[Lost1]

Growing up always had to work since 15 to pay the bills and had all sorts of crappy dead end jobs you can think of. Now I’m (just) a senior at a midsized firm but am proud of how far I have come. I don’t make a lot but this is the most I have ever made for sure. I recently dumped my pieceof$h!+ car and got a nice (used car) one that I’ve always wanted. I always wanted to get married around 30 but now that I am here, and finally able to afford the lifestyle I deserve, I want to enjoy my life a little. I guess my perception of marriage is more like sacrifice, patience, responsibilities, and struggle to be a faithful spouse. Of course having family and all the good things that can come with marriage I understand it’s how you make it. This is my personal struggle having the pressure to get married but I want to stay single just a lil more to squeeze out the remaining fun out before I really have to grow up =)

Public accounting and marriage.. I hear people say all the time they missed all their kids’ recitals and birthdays. Life is too short. I work too many hours as is and am scared of the idea that having another full time job raising kids and being a good husband. Anyone feels this way? If you are married with kids and work in public accounting, how do you do it?

"If you can do it, I can do it better."

[Anonymous]

If being married would sap the joy out of life for you, then don't get married. Simple as that. For some people, marriage makes their life happier; for others it makes it sadder. Same with kids. If you want a spouse and family, then get one; if you don't, then don't. I've chosen a spouse (well, we're not married, so a “life partner”) but no kids, cause I am happier with him than by myself, but neither one of us thinks kids would make us happier. People question our choices, but it makes us happy. Do what makes you happy…if there's someone you're attracted to that makes you happy to be around, maybe see where it leads, but don't get married and have kids just cause you're 30 years old so it's time to “sacrifice” your happiness.

[johnny_debt]

@Lilla

That is an incredibly great response!!

@Lost1, the concept of marriage and children is not for everyone. Figure out what you want in life.

AUD - 91
BEC - 84
FAR - 91
REG - 91

[Lion_of_the_Rock]

Based on your post I can say pretty easily that the answer to your question is DO NOT get married.

If you're seeking fun in the bachelor kind of way now that you have a little bit of cash and a decent job then by all means go enjoy yourself and live your life – you probably only get one.

I'm married and have kids, and recently started work in public. It is rewarding, but a family man's life isn't really “fun” – you have zero time for yourself. Get the fun out of your system, then when that gets boring and you start feeling mortality creep in and you want to extend your legacy and settle down that will be the time to do so.

Kids never go away, divorce is expensive. Make sure you're ready for it.

That being said, I had plenty of “fun” but being a dad is the best thing I've done with my life – and being married is okay too.

BEC - 78
AUD - 75
REG - 74, 79
FAR - 75

You have to buy a ticket to win the raffle.

[Anonymous]

if people were rational about having kids there would be no kids. Also, there is such thing as open marriage or whatever two people agree to. It's a matter of finding the right person (and hiring a nanny/housekeeper)

[JohnWayneIsGod]

If you see staying faithful as a struggle, then hold off. It really shouldn't be a struggle. My mindset is that one woman (my wife) is enough work. I'd have to be mad to want to juggle two women. THAT is what keeps me 100% faithful. But I'm also late 30s, so I've done some extra growing up.

Once you find that special lady and are ready (and right now you don't sound ready) you have to recognize that marriage takes time and work. It's about a lot more than just a ring and a ceremony. If you don't take the time to nurture it, then it is in danger of someday dying. For me, I've always avoided public accounting because the commitment to that kind of job would mean not having the time to be a husband. This was put to the test when I took a job with a public company that had such a disorganized year-end close that it meant 70-hour weeks for 2 months. It was hard on us. One of my co-workers even had a kid in the middle of all of that, but still had to put in the long hours. I felt terrible for the guy, and I could tell that it tore him up and was likely causing problems at home.

You're right. Life is too short. My life philosophy is that we work for a living–we don't live to work. Just remember that different things work for different people. Some people are naturally family oriented while others are on the polar opposite. Make sure you find out which one you are while you are still dating.

FAR - 80

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.

-John Wayne

[joyflying]

@JohnWaynelsGod Really like your “we work for a living but don't live to work” philosophy.

AUD - 91
BEC - 90
FAR - 93
REG - 94

The best is yet to come..

FAR - 93 (08/24/2014 - First down!)
AUD - 91 (11/21/2014 - Second down!!)
BEC - 90 (02/26/2015 - Third down!!!)
REG - 94 (05/29/2015 - Touch down!!!!!)

Here comes my touch down!
Certified in MA (08/2015)

[Jim Deal]

“This above all,–to thine own self be true” words to live by.

[Anonymous]

What John Wayne said. If staying faithful is a struggle, don't get married. I am thrilled to be in a faithful and exclusive relationship with my husband; and we've been together for about half my life.

[Missy]

Out of curiosity is there an actual relationship currently or is this hypothetical? Because if you're with someone and words like sacrifice and struggle come to mind, move on from this relationship.

When the right person is there, its not all unicorns and rainbows BUT you can't imagine wanting to see what else is out there. You want that person around forever.

If its hypothetical, your feelings couldn't be more normal.

RE: Parenting. Raising kids with any full time job is a series of trade offs. No matter what you do for a living you're going to miss some recitals and games, and on the other hand have to use sick time when its least convenient because your kid is sick. You do what you have to and it always feels worth the compromise.

Old timer,  A71'er since 2010.

Finance manager/HR manager

 

 

Licensed Massachusetts Non Reporting CPA since 2012
Finance/Admin/HR Manager

[MaLoTu]

100% agree with mla. And maybe it is the nature of the accountant, but I think people over think a lot. An analysis of having kids it is never going to suggest having them will be the best move for your career or make your life easier. However, things fall into place. Having kids is not the end of the world. You can't know what it is like to have kids until you have them. There is no sacrifice I wouldn't make for my kids, including my life. Not that it should be taken lightly, but do know that millions of people take care of kids and work, every day. I am also not condemning those who choose not to have kids because it is a sacrifice and you kind of have to be all in.

My husband in not in public accounting, but he has an excessively demanding schedule. There are weeks where he works 80+ hours a week and there are times where he has to travel. I think that having a family makes it worth it. Even without a family he wouldn't have time for anything during those periods of time! At least he comes home to dinner (most of the time anyway)!

I am sure it will be fun when I start working in public accounting!

Almost always from my phone... please excuse my typos!

All 4 passed - 2016

CA CPA

[Lost1]

Relationships change because people change. Some of you guys make it sound like it's not normal to get bored with your spouse. it's perfectly normal. and that's why marriage requires patience and sacrifice. I have friends and relatives who got married with love of their life but things changed quickly. Like Lion on the Rock says – being a family man isn't fun and it requires a lot of work. Maybe I shouldn't have put the “struggle to be faithful” there, that's whole another topic. Just because you found the one that you're happy and proud of, it doesn't mean that people who struggle with their marriages had bad intentions from the start. I mean, stats say that about half of married couples get divorced these days. I'm sure a lot these people (who got divorced) got married thinking they found the one.

I know the answer is, like Lila said – do whatever I want and don't regret it. Well, that was easy. I appreciate your comment Lila and wish the best for you and your significant other. But for some people it's not that easy. Was deciding not to have kids easy? I bet it wasn't and you might still struggle with the choices you made (we all do that, all of us!).

@mla to answer your question, it is hypothetical situation I guess.

@Lions on the Rock, I wish to become a father someday too. Hopefully I'm smart enough to do it at the right time.

"If you can do it, I can do it better."

[Missy]

I'll never understand people who ask for relationship advice or seek input about their opinions on marriage and family from total strangers then feel the need to dispute the opinions shared. To each their own I guess.

I have been married for over 27 years and while we've had our ups and downs, boredom was never the problem, nor did we ever perceive we were missing out on anything. If it's not for you it's not for you. But both the decision to marry and have kids were very easy for many of us, so you're likely to get feedback that, doesn't work for you.

Old timer,  A71'er since 2010.

Finance manager/HR manager

 

 

Licensed Massachusetts Non Reporting CPA since 2012
Finance/Admin/HR Manager

[Lost1]

I guess I was somewhat stunned by the comments because I thought my struggle is a very normal for single people (I know it is normal). I know this isn't a relationship / dating forum. The purpose for this post was to talk about public accounting work schedules and married life but the discussion went this way, probably because of the phrase “struggle to be faithful”

mla, you made some good points. I am already doing what I want with my life. No advice/input from online forum will change my mind. It's good to know most of you guys have very positive views on marriage. I admit that I have a negative perception on marriage. It's not as simple as just not get married because I want kids. I grew up without parents and I want my kids to have both parents. That's where my inner conflict starts.

anyways, thanks guys for sharing.

"If you can do it, I can do it better."

[Anonymous]

follow dan blizerian on instagram and hit the scene

[Anonymous]

The firm I am leaving totes a great work life balance. This is mostly true, with one exception. In order to succeed, you must give more and more of that balance up. I left because why stay in a job to get to a certain pay, when I can go somewhere closer to home at that pay now?

[Author]

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