How do you begin studying again after a death/traumatic event?

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  • #188752
    Laura335
    Member

    Tonight is the first night I have even thought about studying in about 2 weeks. My husband is a police officer, and one of the guys on his department was killed in the line of duty 2 weekends ago. I have been so distracted with processing this whole situation. I have been trying to deal with all of my emotions as well as my husband’s emotions. I know I need to begin studying again, but honestly, this really doesn’t seem all that important to me anymore. Maybe everything is too raw still? Has anyone else dealt with a death of a friend or family member while trying to keep studying? Did you have to take a break and how long?

    Indiana candidate

Viewing 9 replies - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #609679
    mla1169
    Participant

    You have to do what works for you. Plenty of people have suffered losses and continued studying and at least as many others have taken a break. Just like I'm sure some of your husbands coworkers took time off while others went right back to it. I'm so sorry for your loss I'm sure every time your husband goes to work you are beside yourself.

    FAR- 77
    AUD -49, 71, 84
    REG -56,75!
    BEC -75

    Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

    #609680
    tami3492
    Participant

    Our town recently experienced a bad accident that tragically killed four 14 year old boys. My husband is a teacher and a coach, these four boys were his students and athletes. In a week's time we attended 4 wakes and 4 funerals. I have an 8 year old boy and a 9 year old girl that knew a couple of the boys from hanging out with them at wrestling camps, this was really the first time they experienced losing someone they knew, so they had lots of questions. We all had lots of questions, and I think a lot of adults, myself included, started questioning what was really important in life. Everywhere we turned there were reminders, and every waking moment was consumed thinking of the boys and their families. I took about a one and a half month break from studying to focus on kids and family. Some people may tell you to just jump right back into studying, and maybe that works for some, but I needed a break. Even if I would've been studying, I don't think I would've retained anything. I don't think there is a magic time frame of how long you should take off, what works for some may not work for others. My recommendation is to take a break, spend time with family. You will know when it is time to start back up again.

    FAR 7/8/14 - 88 - Becker live course
    REG 10/14/14 - 82 - Becker live course, Ninja notes and audio
    BEC 11/25/14 - 88 - Becker live course, Ninja audio, Wiley book for extra questions
    AUD 2/3/15 - 94 - Becker self study, Ninja audio, Wiley book for extra questions

    #609681
    Laura335
    Member

    Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question if anyone else has had a loss. You are absolutely right – some guys were ready to get back right away. Some guys who were there that night and worked with this kid every day are taking it much much harder and need more time. I suppose a better question is how have people refocused?

    And side note – of course I worry when he leaves. But I knew this was his calling and knew what I was getting myself into. Up until now, I have been able to keep the danger part of it in the back of my mind. If anything bad should happen to him, I just have to remember he'll go out doing what he loves. I respect his career choices like he respects mine (like doing this awful test).

    Indiana candidate

    #609682
    mla1169
    Participant

    I hope you don't think I was trying to minimize the impact to you personally! I get it that when it comes to military and first responders they're not coworkers, they're family! I don't know how people go on honestly. I live in a town where a teacher was murdered by a student last October in the high school. Two days later school was in session. How the teachers and students found the strength to walk in those doors is far beyond me. But I know many who took more time as well.

    Sometimes the studying is nothing more than a distraction. Sometimes it's an affirmation of carrying on. Sometimes it just needs to wait a bit.

    FAR- 77
    AUD -49, 71, 84
    REG -56,75!
    BEC -75

    Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

    #609683
    Laura335
    Member

    Oh no, I didn't take it that way. I just realized what I had said – of course other people have had crazy stuff go on in their lives during exams! Thank you both for your input. It doesn't feel quite right yet. Maybe this weekend I'll try. I'll try to get back into the swing of things by doing housework for a few days first. That's always a big study distraction for me anyway.

    Indiana candidate

    #609684
    Leena_1101
    Participant

    I had a death in my family, a very close cousin of mine and very young. I was seriously studying for FAR, but just could look open the text book after he incident. so i decided to start studying for BEC. its a better some days, not so some days. one thing that has helped me a lot is this forum. i keep coming back to this forum for motivation and support. take it one day at a time, and don't be too hard on yourself. you can do this and you will – trust me 🙂

    #609685
    Lindrobe
    Member

    Hi Laura335. My dad was a police officer and was killed in the line of duty in 2003 during my senior year of undergrad. It happened in between semesters, and I thought about dropping all of my classes, but did not. It was so hard to focus and took me twice as long to study, write papers, etc. If you can, I would recommend setting the exam aside for a while, but that is just me.

    I noticed that you are an Indiana candidate and I live in Indiana too. Is your husband by chance a Merrillville police officer? My dad was Mishawaka PD.

    FAR 12/3/14, 87
    AUD 2/3/14, 90
    BEC 4/1/14, 88
    REG 5/27/14, 94

    Licensed CPA, Indiana

    "Successful people do things that unsuccessful people don't want to do"

    #609686
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    You can find any number of reasons why you should do something else. You took a break, now time to get focused again. Sorry for the sad news. It is good to reflect on what is important, but you need to get these done and over with. As do I.

    #609687
    Laura335
    Member

    @Lindrobe – What a small world! Yes, my husband is MPD. We saw a lot of officers from the South Bend area at the funeral, including Mishawaka. So sorry to hear about your dad! That is so great that you were able to keep going with your classes. I'm sure he would not have wanted you to put your education on hold just because of him. I have to keep that mentality as well. I've been hanging out with the other officers a lot in these past few weeks with fundraisers and things like that. All of them seem to have a new fire within them. Like, “We need to go out and kick some butt for our brother!” I feel like I should be doing the same. He wouldn't want all of us to stop our lives. I think I am going to try to saddle back up because I know Nick is watching over all of us now 🙂

    Indiana candidate

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