[kpb]

My husband didn’t go to college, he chose to work (a lot) in his family business. They call him at any time of the day, whenever, wherever. He tries to have a set schedule, 8-9 hours a day, but some days he can pull 20 hour days, for days.

Anyways, I guess I just wanted to find out from other wives if their husbands are supportive of you studying for the CPA exams, as it is very stressful. I know some say their husbands ARE supportive even when they have kids etc., but I wonder if it is someone who went to college and UNDERSTANDS these exams aren’t easy college exams. I almost feel like he tries to put me down for wanting to achieve this “goal” where he chose a different path to just to go work, i could’ve done the same also but I wanted to be able to be financially secure (even before I met him) because i knew my parents weren’t going to be around to support me forever.

Or if some of you have husbands (like mine) who think they’re being supportive but really think AND say you’re spending too much time studying and not enough time with them (i study 8 hrs a day, broken up into 3-4 hour increments throughout the day).

Even though I take sundays off, friday nights off, saturday nights he has his games so I take advantage of that time to study. I don’t work full time but will start working full-time in about 2 weeks. I do all the cleaning and cooking around the house. He doesn’t understand that when I have an exam coming up, i need to study as much as I can .

Any helpful input is appreciated.

BEC - 81 4/08/14
FAR - 80 8/25/14 Thank you Jesus!
REG - 69 (Nov 14),80 1/08/15 Thank God!
AUD - 70 (May 14), xx 5/1/15

Becker Online & Becker Flashcards
I definitely wish I was one of those people who got all 4 exams done in 4 months, but unfortunately LIFE (being a newlywed, stress, adjusting to newlywed life and cpa exam study life, as well as starting a job with a Big4 which I am very happy about) got in the way, just happy that I am passing period!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

[rzrbkfaith]

They just don't understand. My husband went to college and has been pretty supportive, but he wants me to take nights off all the time or doesn't understand why I don't do the kids' homework with them or run them around town for all of their activities (I do some, but can't do them all) or do the laundry or whatever else on top of studying (and I work full time). The best way I could describe it to him is that this is my full time job on top of the full time job I already have and that the more supportive he was, the faster I could get through it. Occasionally I have a mini-melt down about trying to do it all, but then I suck it up and try to figure it all out. Its been most difficult to explain studying for the exam to my kids. My 7 year old tells me all the time that she wishes I didn't have to study because she misses spending time with me (total guilt trip) and that makes it very hard. But my son, who is 11 understands much better and he's been proud of me and its motivated him to start studying harder. Hang in there. You are half way there. Imagine how awesome it will be when you are done!

AUD - 99
BEC - 97
REG - 91
FAR - 1/8/16

[Anonymous]

As a husband, I'm not sure what you're saying here. He works all the time and barely sees you.. so how would he even be around to “support” you? Isn't he essentially leaving you alone to study? Similarly, how can he think you don't spend time with him when he's too busy with work and his own hobbies. It sounds like both of you need to communicate and set proper times for together time, and not blame it on each other's professional ambitions.

If he puts you down for studying though, feel free to put him down for being uneducated.

[kpb]

Thank you for your helpful replies. I especially teared when rzr replied also.

Exactly. I never once complain that he works too much because I too come from a family business, so I know how it is. I saw my dad do it his whole life. So it makes me feel like, when he wants me to stop studying and spend time with him, it would be like me asking him not to go into work because I want to spend time with him. Somebody has to pay the bills! He has his responsibilities, I have mine. Will this studying last forever? NO. I do study all day, but who can study for 8 hours straight for these things? That's what he expects of me. I do need to take breaks every 3-4 hours. So some nights, I do end up studying until 9-10pm, ESPECIALLY when I have an exam coming up. Like rzr replied, he wants me to cut studying off at 5pm every day just to stay with him. But I told him, what happens when I start working? How will I finish these exams if I don't study at night or on the weekends?

I did tell him, if he thinks “i stay home all day” like its easy studying for these exams, he couldn't even do one year of college. He chose his path, and this is my path. I want to achieve this goal. And obviously it will benefit both of us. But he thinks I am ONLY thinking about myself. We are newlyweds, 9 months. I'm 23. He's 26.

I am glad, rzr, to know I am not alone in this. Yes I will be so happy once this is all over. I did tell him, i'm more than halfway there (since i've already done AUD once, plus ill start working in it soon).

BEC - 81 4/08/14
FAR - 80 8/25/14 Thank you Jesus!
REG - 69 (Nov 14),80 1/08/15 Thank God!
AUD - 70 (May 14), xx 5/1/15

Becker Online & Becker Flashcards
I definitely wish I was one of those people who got all 4 exams done in 4 months, but unfortunately LIFE (being a newlywed, stress, adjusting to newlywed life and cpa exam study life, as well as starting a job with a Big4 which I am very happy about) got in the way, just happy that I am passing period!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

[kpb]

I KNOW i would regret it forever if i quit now. That is definitely NOT an option for me.

BEC - 81 4/08/14
FAR - 80 8/25/14 Thank you Jesus!
REG - 69 (Nov 14),80 1/08/15 Thank God!
AUD - 70 (May 14), xx 5/1/15

Becker Online & Becker Flashcards
I definitely wish I was one of those people who got all 4 exams done in 4 months, but unfortunately LIFE (being a newlywed, stress, adjusting to newlywed life and cpa exam study life, as well as starting a job with a Big4 which I am very happy about) got in the way, just happy that I am passing period!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

[kpb]

RZR, God bless you. I give you major props for working full time, kids husband and house, AND these exams! You guys deserve all the glory. If its hard now, I cant even imagine with a plate full of kids work and husband house. lol Thanks for your encouragement

BEC - 81 4/08/14
FAR - 80 8/25/14 Thank you Jesus!
REG - 69 (Nov 14),80 1/08/15 Thank God!
AUD - 70 (May 14), xx 5/1/15

Becker Online & Becker Flashcards
I definitely wish I was one of those people who got all 4 exams done in 4 months, but unfortunately LIFE (being a newlywed, stress, adjusting to newlywed life and cpa exam study life, as well as starting a job with a Big4 which I am very happy about) got in the way, just happy that I am passing period!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

[mla1169]

My husband was very supportive and only has a high school education. That said, I play the role of supermom in general so I still made all the meals, led the girl scouts, and was at cheer practice 3-5 nights a week. I got home, then did MY homework (was taking grad classes), did laundry and housework (not a lot but some) then around 10pm could study for the CPA exams. I was glad to have his support but went into the exams with the mindset that I chose to do this and didn't want to have to make hubby or kids adjust their lives around something that was all about me. (Yes, I understand they ultimately benefit from my career).

Its one thing for your husband not to have time available to help with housework but another thing to say you don't spend enough time with him and make you feel like he's putting you down. This is short term he needs to suck it up.

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[Gatorbates]

I think rzr studied too much for her first two sections (99 and 97?!? Wow.) Now she has no choice to keep it up for the ESW award.

The only people who will ever fully understand this are ones who have been through it themselves. Gender irrelevant.

Guys are stubborn. It's in our genes. We have a “me first” attitude and “yes I understand” to pacify situations, when we truly have no clue. We want attention. Pisses us off when we don't get it, so we get grumpier. I'd say just deal with it … only 2 more sections to go. Since you're married, he should truly support you, regardless of anything … if he doesn't, then there may be a deeper relationship issue. He also could be feeling insecure about a future uneasy situation: “I didn't go to college, but my wife is a CPA.” There are a lot of men out there with the insecurity that their wife truly is smarter than they are.

Just my 2 cents.

Licensed Florida CPA:
B: 71, 73, 79
A: 83
R: 78 (expired), 77
F: 74, 74, 80

It's finally freaking over.

[StephAV]

I can relate. My husband didn't go to college, he works super hard, we are both busy. We have kids. He's supportive to a point and sometimes I have to remind him how important this is. My DH just started going to school to be a certified electrician, his company is sponsoring/making him do this. So that is 2 nights a week. I come home and cook diner, do homework, baths, stories with the kids most nights and study after they go to bed.

An example of his unsupportiveness… On Tuesday morning when I got my passing score on Audit, as soon as I saw him that morning I said “I PASSED!” He said “passed what?” and “does that mean your done?” UGH!!! Just a little disappointing.

I would keep plugging away. Before you know it this will just be a memory and you'll be working 60+ hours a week and you'll have something new to argue about. 🙂

FAR - 7/13 - 72, 11/13- 74, 2/14- 82!!! Best score ever (for me)!!!
BEC - 1/14 - 75!!! Perfect score! First Pass! YAY!!!
AUD - 8/14 - 80!!!
REG - 5/14 - 72, 10/14 - 66, 1/15 - 78 - DONE FOREVER!!!
I did 5 of the UNA and CPAExcel classes to earn units.

[kpb]

bigfourexpert, support me as in don't put me down for it. don't think i'm being selfish and doing this for “me” only. make sense? He always wanted to marry a hardworking, dedicated, motivated girl AND one that didn't complain about him “working all the time” as his other gfs/dates have done, now that he has it, seems like he doesn't really know what to do with it. I almost feel like he just wanted to marry me and get me pregnant right away with a baseball team so he can have, as his family like to call it, CCL's (cheap child labor) running around when he's running the family business all by himself one day and they can take over.

mla1169, I actually don't even want him to do any housework. Sometimes i just ask him to fold his laundry, that's it. I cook, clean, cooking is not my forte either but I do it anyway because we both need to eat.At least i do it! That is definitely something to think about though, don't make them change their schedule to fit your lifestyle, but I have to change my schedule and i don't complain about it when the last 3 weeks he basically worked day and night, 20 hour days.

StephAV, LOL seriously :p and i'm so sorry about that and congratulations on passing aud, i couldn't pass that one, yet hehe. that is definitely a cause for celebration after working your booty off!!!

Thank you all for your input, I am glad I am not alone in this. And yes, I will keep plucking away at this and will take my nights off for him up until I start working, after that I told him i have no idea what my schedule will be like. I did promise him and to myself, that I would take REG as my final exam this year and finish aud next year granted that I pass reg the first time.

BEC - 81 4/08/14
FAR - 80 8/25/14 Thank you Jesus!
REG - 69 (Nov 14),80 1/08/15 Thank God!
AUD - 70 (May 14), xx 5/1/15

Becker Online & Becker Flashcards
I definitely wish I was one of those people who got all 4 exams done in 4 months, but unfortunately LIFE (being a newlywed, stress, adjusting to newlywed life and cpa exam study life, as well as starting a job with a Big4 which I am very happy about) got in the way, just happy that I am passing period!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

[mla1169]

Here's my old lady, married before you were born advice. Decide what is and is not acceptable to YOU and plan to live with it forever. My husband does things that grate on my nerves (leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor) but those are things I decided to accept so I'll still ask but not get upset. Some things I've chosen not to accept, and he knows exactly what those things are. I will not accept him giving our daughter permission to be out after 8 pm because that's a rule we discussed. If he goes into the territory of things I will not accept we sit and talk about what we signed on for as a couple and as parents. While we are deeply in love, we treat many aspects of our relationship as professionals because we feel strongly that we are professional at relationships. It's not 50/50 in anything about our relationship but it is almost exactly what we agreed to!

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[hvansaders]

One thing I have found out in this journey is that in general people will not understand what this exam is about. While my husband went to college and got an MBA and is very supportive he almost takes it to an unbearable level where he will badger me every time I am not studying. I work full time so I am already studying after work, but God forbid I take an hour break for lunch and dinner on the weekends or run some errands in the morning he is on my case, which while he thinks is motivating me, is doing nothing but making me not want to study. I've learned to not respond to him and just do my thing knowing I have a study plan in place that is working.

I have to agree with the other posters though and say that your husband needs to realize that you have to spend time studying and you can't study 8 hours straight. That's just not human, everyone needs breaks. Although I wouldn't put him down for not being college educated because that just escalates the argument. He is smart and yes he chose to take a different path. There is nothing wrong with that but he also needs to realize that you also chose a path you wanted to take and he needs to respect that. Plus you are still newlyweds…there are a lot of growing pains that come along with that and just learning to live together in general is a rough transition and takes time…but that could be a whole other post lol. Plus if he wants to see you more he could always stop working earlier or take a day off and make plans with you. It doesn't have to be all one sided. Good luck it will get easier even if he never understands!

[Mamabear]

My husband didn't go to college and works two jobs and is very supportive. He has never once made me feel bad for studying. He can't really help with the kids while I study because of his hours and the fact that he is unable to keep them from coming to me and interrupting (granted he is outnumbered 3 to 1) so my parent's watch them at their house while I study, but he does most of the chores around the house and he used to do all the grocery shopping until I started couponing. There is no way he could do this because he can't sit still long enough to study the way I do, but he still understands that it is important and that the sooner I get done, the better off things will be for all of us. I can't really talk to him about any of it because he doesn't get the process or the stress of it all, but he supports me by taking care of the other things that have to be done so I can focus on studying. If you're hoping he'll understand, then I would say don't hold your breath, but that's what this forum is for…to talk to people that understand and are going or have been what you are going through. College and this rigorous level of studying cannot be understood by people that have never done it, be it wives, husbands, friends, or relatives. They see you reading a book and think, “What's so hard about that?”

CPA Exam - Finally DONE (November 2014)
BEC (08/10/13) 80
AUD (08/24/13) 65 (11/13/13) 85
FAR (04/12/14) 81
REG (07/19/14) 69 (11/29/14) 87!!

[kpb]

hvansaders, Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate it. Wow, your husband is the complete opposite huh? lol I've never heard of that but I do understand what you mean, it's too much. That is kind of how I was with myself when I first started studying for this thing. Now that I have taken 3 exams, I try not to feel so guilty when I take some time off to relax, for example on Sundays, because I know I need to have good mental state to start studying again for 6 days straight. That is what I told him, he needs to stop “trying to save so much money and every penny” and take me out on a date or plan to watch a movie, make some plans too. Just because we got married doesn't mean we stop dating each other, it is what we did every time we saw each other before marriage. He took that into consideration. I will be working soon, so money won't be so tight anymore, Thank God.

Mamabear, exactly. And that is what I hate, because if I were to stay at home as a housewife, people would still find reasons to judge me and think “oh that's so easy.” If I am career oriented, people still find ways to say, “you're at home all day” as if I am doing absolutely nothing. Yes, I told him these exams are not like college, this is way beyond college. I never put down the fact he never went to college, but i just told him he chose one path for himself and I chose mine. We should both respect it.

mla1169, thank you for your advice, I appreciate it. Yes, I told him this is so important, I have been on this accounting track long before he met me, and i'm not going to give it up now, I AM SO CLOSE! It's been 6 years of college and extra courses to meet the 150 requirements and quitting work to spend 9+ months of my life with my head in my book even though i've been working since I was 16. Now I finally get to put all of this to use when I start working, and almost finished with exams. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will make more time for him, i just have no idea how that's gonna be when i work though lol in 2 weeks! yikes.

BEC - 81 4/08/14
FAR - 80 8/25/14 Thank you Jesus!
REG - 69 (Nov 14),80 1/08/15 Thank God!
AUD - 70 (May 14), xx 5/1/15

Becker Online & Becker Flashcards
I definitely wish I was one of those people who got all 4 exams done in 4 months, but unfortunately LIFE (being a newlywed, stress, adjusting to newlywed life and cpa exam study life, as well as starting a job with a Big4 which I am very happy about) got in the way, just happy that I am passing period!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

[kpb]

Gatorbates, im sorry, seems like your post only popped up now and i didnt see it earlier. That is what my mom thinks, i'm about to start a brand new job, meet new people who are +/- 5-10 years around my age, he may be feeling like he's falling behind because exactly, “my wife is a cpa” or that I may meet someone, who knows!!!!! I just made sure to tell him that i married HIM and he has my heart, noone else. I married him to be his wife, not to wear the pants in the house. To be beside him and not in front of him.

lol but i appreciate your input, it helps me understand men's minds a little more. I will give him some ‘more' attention. I try my best, but I also need to take care of my responsibilities too, just as he does. And I dont complain about it.

BEC - 81 4/08/14
FAR - 80 8/25/14 Thank you Jesus!
REG - 69 (Nov 14),80 1/08/15 Thank God!
AUD - 70 (May 14), xx 5/1/15

Becker Online & Becker Flashcards
I definitely wish I was one of those people who got all 4 exams done in 4 months, but unfortunately LIFE (being a newlywed, stress, adjusting to newlywed life and cpa exam study life, as well as starting a job with a Big4 which I am very happy about) got in the way, just happy that I am passing period!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

[Anonymous]

I can totally relate, actually two husbands couldn't quite get it. I am remarried, I have four kids and work full time in corporate accounting. My now husband KNEW because I was very descriptive in how I wanted to focus on my career and the CPA exam. He was all for it ($$$$). He is not a college graduate but has had very demanding jobs that required OT, late nights, on call, and he just went to work, never got guilt trips from me over his time away from me. My kids are 16,13 and 10. We also raise his daughter full time and she is 15 about to be 16.

He is supportive and tolerates it for about 1 week at a time. I literally go to work, come home and sit at the kitchen table to study. The kids can come in here and do homework. Everyone can see me. I don't clean except maybe on weekends. I rush to get laundry caught up if they fall behind and I rarely cook. We eat EASY meals. I go to bed around midnight and its a fight, but I study all weekend long………… I will not fail at this attempt this go round!

I will also not be made to feel that my place is in the kitchen, handling everything for the kids and home. He can cook and so can my teens. They can all do laundry and they can entertain themselves while I bust my butt. Its all short term IF we can do what we need to do to get done. Please don't ever quit. I don't recommend being as blunt and firm as I am, but make sure he knows its important, you are doing it to benefit the whole family. Then make your study plan so that you can succeed and stick with it. He will respect your determination in the long run. But have honest conversations, give a little and show him some attention, everything will work out! Be glad you don't have kids yet, its one less thing you have to juggle with the exam.

[Author]

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