[Anonymous]

So, here’s my cliche “coworker drama” post 🙂 I have been working at a company for a year and a half and the entire time I’ve been here, I’ve had a coworker who either feels threatened by me or just truly hates me. Everytime I ask him a question, he finds a way to belittle me or talk to me like I’m stupid. He’s extremely condescending; he’ll laugh at me or say my name in a way that shows he clearly thinks I’m dumb. He ignores all emails that I send him, unless he can find a way to talk down to me or tell me how to do my job. I don’t know if it’s because I’m female or if it’s because I’m young or if he really just thinks I’m stupid. I have even seen emails back and forth about me between he and my manager, that my manager has accidentally left up on his computer screen. I haven’t done anything to warrant this kind of behavior. I get great feedback from my manager and the VP of my department, yet this person always finds something to complain about when it comes to me. I filled a brand new position in my department and there’s never been anyone in the department for this person to have to work with really. I have talked to my manager three times about the situation and there’s always an excuse made for him, although my manager consistently tells me how difficult this person can be and that he knows I’m not doing anything wrong. I’ve even talked to my coworker and told him that if he has a problem with me, he needs to tell me directly because I can’t do anything about something I don’t know about. I don’t report to this person, he’s simply my coworker but he’s making my work life miserable. Quite honestly, I feel like I’m being talked about between my manager and coworker and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Anything I tell my manager, my coworker knows about, including confidential information about my health and other things. Nothing I say or do seems to matter.

I have a meeting set up with the Director/VP of my department (I work in a pretty small department) in a couple weeks for something unrelated and I’m debating if I should bring up the situation to him. I don’t want to come off as being emotional or dramatic but when it’s interfering with my work life, to the point that I’m crying in a conference room (I hardly every cry either, which makes it that much worse that I let it get to me), and to the point where I’m starting to feel completely worthless in my department…I just feel like I’m at my wits end. I know that saying something could backfire but how badly do you let a situation get before you say something? I like my job and I don’t want to leave but I also don’t want to have a coworker who treats me like crap unless we have nothing to do with eachother.

[Mamabear]

Someone else posted about this a while ago. There seemed to be some good advice on this thread.

https://www.another71.com/cpa-exam-forum/topic/need-opinions-on-coworker-drama

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[Anonymous]

@mamabear …sigh, that was me under my old user name before I was blocked from the FAR thread. It's just gotten worse since then. Coworker drama is just a bad situation because there's only so much you can do without just finding a new job. Which may be my best option at this point.

[Mamabear]

Oh geez. I didn't even look at who the OP was. So it's gotten worse? I'll have to read the prior stuff and the new stuff and see what's up. I'll try to get back on later tonight and give some awesome (okay–maybe not awesome) advice.

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[jsblamer]

How about requesting a meeting with your VP, Manager and the problem employee? I have been in this situation, and getting everyone together in the same room worked for me. I don't think this would be an extreme step considering what you have been through to this point. If all else fails and the problem persists, you may need to look at moving on – you are still early on in your career (I'm assuming you were born in 88′) so a career move to a place you are respected is definitley a viable option.

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[taxman89]

honestly, i would just start looking for a new position. The manager clearly isnt going to do anything about it and the coworker is a total a$$hat.Go find a better job!!

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[Anonymous]

That might not be a bad idea @jsblamer. My managers contribution to the situation was to have the coworker and I discuss it over the phone with my manager sitting there. It resolved things until the next time we had to talk. I've essentially asked to not work with him on anything because it's the only thing I can do to prevent problems. The situations seems to go through a cycle of building over a period of time, finally coming to a head, and then sort of resolving it, only to have something else trigger another problem and have it all build up again. He has a reputation of being difficult and hard to work with which I don't but I don't understand why my manager always covers for him.

[mla1169]

You need to look for a new job. Even if you could successfully resolve the coworker issue I would NEVER EVER tolerate a manager sharing my information with my peer. Gigantic red flag about the corporate culture there.

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Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[GSU-CPA]

Seems to me like the manager and the problem coworker are buddies.

I have been in similar situation as you.

Best thing to do is ignore it , as long as your manager knows you are doing a good job thats all it matters.

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[Kimboroni]

Yeah, that's a huge violation that your health information ends up getting shared with other people. Something to discuss with HR! You wouldn't even have to be specific, but you could say that it makes its way back to you, which is extremely inappropriate.

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[Anonymous]

They are buddies which makes the situation that much more difficult. My manager even told people in another department I failed the last CPA section I took, which really made me mad because I was embarrassed about it. Another story though. What really irritates me is when I had to have a medical test done and I told my manager in confidence and my coworker brings it up a few days later. So yeah, there's a lot of oversharing that goes on.

[Pandarama]

amanda, I'm sorry, but I don't foresee your situation getting better even after you sit down with people higher up unless you are able to completely bi-pass the manager and coworker in the future for personal information or you choose to keep your lips consistently sealed. But who would want to continue to work in that kind of environment?

I would take this place as a learning lesson though. Sometimes it takes the worst of places to make you realize how little you should share at work. (no need for them to know you need a medical test, just that you won't be available for a day, when they ask why, just tell them it's personal).

When I worked for a bank, we had two separate buildings. My manager would be in one building and the tellers in another. The manager would use the intercom between the two buildings to listen to our conversations (it would make a beep noise which would often not be heard because of customers talking or us talking over it). Even if we weren't bashing someone, she would find a way to twist the conversation and attack us. She felt threatened by any females in the office. We had talked to HR numerous times and they would talk to her about leaving us alone, but she would start right back up. After a while, HR just told us that we just had to learn to deal with the manager b/c things she did weren't enough for her to get fired over. All the female tellers ended up leaving within in the next couple months and the only teller left was the male teller.

BEC - 80
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Feels good finishing on my best note. Time to watch the mailbox.

[nicole2035]

Sadly it wont' get better. When ever a co-worker sucks and hasn't been fired yet, it's because management likes them. So when you complain, they're more than likely sharing info back and forth about you. All it will do is shine light on you, and make you the problem. if everyone else is getting along just fine, the odd one out, no matter how justified becomes the bad seed.

Sadly the work place is the work place, there are things you need to keep close to you and protect. Sanity and dignity should be top priority. You need to find another job, some cultures are set the way they are, is HR and management going to worry about retaining a newer employee or someone they've known for years?

Another possibility is being more direct with the person you dislike. Some people try to be rude and talk down to me, up until the point i put them in their place. i don't care i i am the youngest person in the department, whether it be my manager or someone in another department on my case, i'm an adult first and foremost. I'm not rude about it, i'm just direct, and use a particular tone. I promise you if you're more direct with him and stop going behind his back telling everyone you have a problem, he'll know to leave you alone. Just as much as you dislike him for being a jerk, he hates you for gossiping and complaining about your problem with him to other people. If anything he may just be doing it on purpose to get under your skin because he KNOWS it bothers you. Learn to play nice, but also learn to use your claws.

[TxMBA]

Amanda, it sounds like you've done everything you could to remedy the situation. You've spoken to your coworker and boss and it seems that it make things worse. You need to move on. You'll find that places with this kind of management are only limiting their own growth. Don't let them impede yours. There are so many opportunities out there, seriously this place doesn't sound like it's worth it.

My first job out of college was similar to this. I had conversations with my boss regarding issues between us that were then shared with my peers to poke fun at me. It was humiliating and so upsetting. Here I am a few years down the line and am making much more money than I would have ever made there, better benefits, a great boss and love what I do. I look back at that place and laugh; one day you'll be glad you moved on.

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[fsugirl2005]

Amanda,

You have two options: move on or tell the guy off and stay there. Frankly, I'm with choice A. If your co-worker is buddy buddy with the boss then you're in a no-win situation. It's really not worth your health and sanity to stay in a place that has such wickedness.

I know you probably don't want to look for anything else because job hunting sucks but you are gonna have to put on your big girl pants and do it. Your career and sanity is at stake.

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I have been on this journey off and on for over 10 years. I think it's about time that I wrap this up.

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[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I should have added that part of the reason why this is so frustrating is that I don't let people walk all over me and I don't ever let him get away with the way he treats me. I've called him out for excluding me from meetings, the emails I've seen back and forth about me from him, him micromanaging me, removing me from emails that I've been included on, etc. That's why I feel like I'm at the end of my rope…even when I call him directly on his behavior, it doesn't change, and even when I go to my manager, it doesn't change. I feel like i've exhausted most avenues & the only thing left is to go to HR or my VP but really, I dont think that will resolve anything. They can't change his personality. I've run across some “workplace bullying” articles and they seem to depict pretty accurately what's going on.

Thanks so much for your opinions- it's great to get advice on a sticky situation from people who have some insight on it 🙂

[Author]

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