OT: Men

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  • #191543
    Rocky123
    Member

    How do you let a man know what he could lose (me) without shoving it in his face? How do I do it subtly?

    No jokes, Skynet.

    The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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    Rocky123, CPA

Viewing 15 replies - 1 through 15 (of 113 total)
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  • #643942
    Gatorbates
    Participant

    Do your own thing and don't include him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Pay less attention to him.

    Licensed Florida CPA:
    B: 71, 73, 79
    A: 83
    R: 78 (expired), 77
    F: 74, 74, 80

    It's finally freaking over.

    #643943
    mla1169
    Participant

    I don't believe in subtle. Its a waste of your energy and time. Remember I'm an old married lady…….

    You decide first what things you will put up with and what are “dealbreakers” and you just sit down and have an honest conversation that goes like this “I'm not a fan of picking up your dirty socks but it won't make me run for the hills. However I loathe casino gambling (or whatever the point of contention is) and I understood when we got into this relationship that you did not do that. That is a dealbreaker for me and whether or not you agree with my reasons I cannot have that as part of my life even if indirectly through you. Do you understand that is not negotiable to me, and are you prepared to choose between our relationship and casino gambling?”

    Subtle only leads to misunderstandings, be clear.

    FAR- 77
    AUD -49, 71, 84
    REG -56,75!
    BEC -75

    Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

    #643944
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I am so sorry Rocky but I am DYING to see what Skynet says to this.

    Also, you are polling a bunch of accountants about how to not be Type-A.

    Maybe you can say to him “Listen, as a CPA I am going to be making six figures in like a year. So you can either go trailing off with a measly five figure serf or you can live the high life with me because I am awesome and smart.”

    That's what you're going for….right?

    #643945
    Rocky123
    Member

    @brooks

    This has nothing to do with the fact that I'm a CPA or money or any of that.

    @mla

    This is more of a conversation about where things are going. I guess I want things to progress faster than he is comfortable with right now. A main reason is that I want another baby. I'm 39 and time is running out. I'm all for taking my time, but I can't afford to in this situation.

    @Gator

    I'm starting to do just that. I'm hoping that will make him think more.

    The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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    Rocky123, CPA

    #643946
    scarecrow
    Member

    I suggest you see The Back-up Plan

    317 CLUB

    #643947
    Rocky123
    Member

    I'm not going the bank route, scarecrow.

    The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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    Rocky123, CPA

    #643948
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @Rocky, I was just making a joke.

    I hope you are able to find a way to resolve this. It does seem like you are willing to make the painful decision. We all have to make choices and if you are wanting another baby more than you want him then you know what you're going to have to do.

    You can't make someone else want a child. He has every right to have a strong opinion about it. It would be his baby too. It would be his responsibility too. If by chance you do get him to agree with you you will never know if he actually wanted another baby or if he did it just for you.

    If you don't want to give him up then you may have to give up having another child. That's the probably worst part about a relationship, compromise. I always try to remind myself that when my husband wants something I don't. I have to remind myself that this is his life too. His aspirations and dreams too and if I really love him then I have respect that…and he has to do the same with me. But I don't think a baby should ever be a compromise..but that stems from my own personal pains from a broken home.

    The fantastic news though is that you are a mom already! A lot of women don't get to have that.

    #643949
    mla1169
    Participant

    Same concept though. I'm going to be blunt, at 39 you are too old to play the “How can I show him what he'd be losing out on” game. Because just giving him a wake up call, even if it works, doesn't mean it will be effective.

    So its time for the “here are my expectations. That I would like to be married by xx, that I would like another child by xx,and that I will be living in xx. Are those expectations in line with yours or are we on an entirely different page?”

    FAR- 77
    AUD -49, 71, 84
    REG -56,75!
    BEC -75

    Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

    #643950
    san4596
    Member

    Married man here with 2 kids. I'm with mla on this one. I have seen the subtle route, and it never ends well wasting everyone's time. You need to sit down and tell him it's either now or never. I don't know how old he is, but if he is in his mid-30's you may be dealing with a lost cause.

    CPA EXAM: DONE!!!!
    Ethics Course: Passed
    Application Mailed: 3/16/15
    Professional Conduct Exam: 97
    Certification Date: 4/2/15!!!

    #643951
    scarecrow
    Member

    If it goes south and it turns out that he doesn't want the same things as you, no other situation will give you complete control over your baby. If I was in your situation and I wanted another baby, I wouldn't be so quick to discount the option given the circumstances and time-table.

    317 CLUB

    #643952
    Rocky123
    Member

    He's 41 and doesn't have any children. He's divorced. Just never found the right time to have kids with his ex wife.

    He says he's wants kids but he wants to make sure that me and him are going to work out. I would LOVE to take my time with this. But at 39, I can't. I explained that to him.

    We've been dating almost a year. He's a great guy and would make a great father. I did something dumb last night and told him that I Iove him. He couldn't say it back.

    If I walk away, I would be starting from scratch. I'd have to date, get to know someone, etc. THAT will take time.

    I don't know what to do…

    The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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    Rocky123, CPA

    #643953
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Yea….you need to walk away. If you've been together a year and he doesn't love you then you're in danger of not getting your wants met based sheerly on the pace that this is going. Find someone who loves you!

    #643954
    Rocky123
    Member

    @brooks

    Part of the reason it dragged, was because I was busy studying for the CPA exam and didn't have the time to devote to the relationship.

    The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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    Rocky123, CPA

    #643955
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Well, that's definitely fair enough. The CPA is such an evil thing sometimes.

    I really hope you're able to get this worked out Rocky. No matter what though remember you have to do what's right for your heart. Maybe envision this whole situation without the baby. Say you just weren't able have a baby with or without him. At 45 will you be happy you at least have him? If you leave now and try to make a go with someone else and it doesn't work will you have wished that you stayed with him?

    #643956
    ala72
    Participant

    It's costly but you could freeze/extract your eggs as a back up plan for yourself in case something happens. A lot of cancer patients do that in order to have a chance later ‘just in case.' If you desperately want another child and he bows out at some later point, then it shouldn't really matter whether you carry the child, just simply having your own eggs to get fertilized and placed into another woman for 9 months would get the job done. I couldn't even imagine being in your situation – I'm sorry

    Definitely don't go the subtle route though

    Licensed NH CPA as of July 2015

    AUD - 74 (Oct '13), 84 (Jan '14)
    FAR - 79 (Feb '14)
    REG - 61 (May '13), 81 (Aug '14)
    BEC - 79 (Nov '14)

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