What to say to a difficult, overbearing manager?

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #188403
    whopper
    Participant

    My manager is driving me nuts! He will tell me to do a project a certain way and then complain later that it wasn’t done right (even though I followed his exact directions). He also seems to favor others on my team. If I’m late from lunch one day, he’s all over me, but when my other teammates do it, it’s okay. I’ve tried to point out some things that are bothersome to me but he interrupts, starts to get angry, and has this ‘I’m always right kind of attitude’. I’ve started just to become a ‘yes man’ because its become obvious my opinion doesn’t matter. Sorry for the rant, but what can I say or do to make this situation better? And switching departments isn’t an option, tried that already lol

    REG - 89, 04/29/13
    BEC - 81, 08/06/13
    FAR - 84, 12/19/13
    AUD - 82, 10/05/13

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
  • Author
    Replies
  • #596985
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My advice, dust off the resume and start looking outside of your company since you said that transferring is not an option.

    Rational or irrational, your manager doesn't like you and you're unlikely to change that. In my opinion you're better off trying to get out now instead of him finding a technicality to let you go on.

    #596986
    alboreland
    Participant

    I was in a similiar situation and I agree that you should look for another job. The only problem is you have to prepare for companies to ask you why you are leaving. Try to make it about moving up, money or more responsibility- anything but your manager because they won't want to hear it.

    You should also try to have an honest conversation with him and tell him how you are being treated compared to everyone else and explain in detail. If that doesn't work, you can always talk to HR anonymously. Someone did this to my manager and she got a little better because it was on her record and she was a little paranoid going forward.

    #596987
    ruggercpa2b
    Participant

    I was in a similar situation once and when I tried to address the situation things got worse for me. I got a bad annual review and that was when I went to HR. This guy sounds like a total ahole and unfortunately they exist. You can just do what he says and in the future make sure if he asks you to do something, I would send a follow up email detailing how he wants you to do something and just say you want to make sure. That way you have it in writing and he cant go back and say he didn't tell you to do that. CYA!

    AUD - NINJA in Training
    BEC - NINJA in Training
    FAR - NINJA in Training
    REG - NINJA in Training
    AUD - 1/6/18
    FAR - TBD
    REG - TBD
    BEC - TBD

    AUD - 73, 72 retake 7/2/2016
    BEC - 8/20/2016
    REG - TBD
    FAR - TBD

    I am so ready for this nightmare to be over. Been at this way too long.

    #596988
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    An honest conversation with your manager may help. We had a manager like that at my firm a few years ago. He was great if you were on his good side (fortunately I was), but a real jerk to the two or three subordinates that weren't.

    I couldn't help but notice that the two or three people that weren't were not regarded as the more competent employees in the division. That being said, I think that his rudeness was a misdirected attempt to let people know that they weren't up to spec. I think he was just trying to get them to quit instead of taking the hard road and making them better.

    I can't speak about your manager, but from what I've seen in similar sounding scenario, you should have an honest, bridge-under-the-water type conversation. Just be prepared to receive some information that you don't want to hear and be prepared to act.

    I'd also shore up the ole resume just in case.

    Good luck.

    #596989
    whopper
    Participant

    Great advice, thank you. My only concern looking for another job is that I've only been with the company for 4 months. Before things got worse, I was thinking about going back for a masters in IT part-time. Now I'm thinking about quitting and going to school full time until I find another job. Do you think this would help me explain a work gap to a new employer and why only stayed 4 months?

    Coincidentally today got progressively worse, my boss randomly wrote a evaluation. I was surprised his eval wasn't rude but he called me out on a lot of things that he had asked me to do. I took you're advice and responded in writing instead of just signing it so at least I got that working in my favor but the whole situation makes me uneasy.

    REG - 89, 04/29/13
    BEC - 81, 08/06/13
    FAR - 84, 12/19/13
    AUD - 82, 10/05/13

    #596990
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Worst case, go back to school full time and simply leave the job off of your resume. That way you don't have to explain the 4 months thing.

    As I mentioned in another thread, if you're able to go to school full time, most companies won't deny you the interview if your resume looks solid but they will question you about your decision. I did just that and went to school full time for my masters in accountancy degree. When asked about it, I would respond with “I was in school full time and I was taking 4 to 5 classes a semester in order to get through the program as quickly as possible.” That answer would be enough to satisfy the interviewer and if I sensed a really good rapport with them I would joke that “I wasn't simply spending all day on the couch watching TV” which is what they're actually afraid of.

    Like I said in my first post, your boss doesn't like you. I don't mean to be insensitive or want to hurt your feelings but it really sounds like the truth. As such it's best to get out of there as soon as possible before it has really bad repercussions. And remember, it's easier to explain why you quit a job than it is to explain why you were fired.

    #596991
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Have an honest conversation, i know it's tough but it might help understanding where he is coming..from my experience some managers resort to hostility to display their displeasure with particular things (not the good ones by the way). ultimately you might have to move on, but be patient, show the value you are adding through your work, see it as a learning experience and have a list of your pain points in case it ever gets to where you have to talk with the next level up/HR.

    #596992
    ScarletKnightCPA
    Participant

    Honest conversation only works if it is really just a misunderstanding.

    If someone doesn't like you they are likely going to continue not liking you and an honest conversation will not work. You can have an honest conversation and document everything and such but if they don't like you they will just find and blow up small things.

    Far: 76 (Wiley Test Bank)
    Aud: 77 (Wiley Test Bank)
    Reg: 61, 76 (Wiley book, Wiley Test Bank)
    Bec: 86 (Wiley Test Bank)

    MBA in progress

    #596993
    mla1169
    Participant

    Whatever you do, if you approach your boss or HR, leave out the part where he's all over you for being late from lunch even though he lets it slide with others. The last thing you want to do is put yourself on the hot seat.

    FAR- 77
    AUD -49, 71, 84
    REG -56,75!
    BEC -75

    Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

    #596994
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I think what it comes down to is a question of whether the manager simply doesn't like the OP, or if there is something else involved, some reason. The reason could be as simple as that he expects the OP to be as experienced and skilled in the job as the coworkers who have been there for 10 years, and of that is the reason, then the manager's expectations are way too high. However, if the reason is due to performance issues that the OP isn't even aware of, then an honest conversation could help. Maybe the manager has some specific expectation that the OP doesn't know about and the manager hasn't properly conveyed (still poor management), and because the OP fails this unknown expectation, the manager is always slightly upset with the OP due to the failed expectation.

    I think the unexpected review actually gives a great opportunity to have a conversation to ensure there's not something going on besides a personality mis-match. I'd try on Monday morning to ask your manager if you could talk with him to get some constructive feedback in your performance. You said that your review was fairly positive, which is a great thing, but also gives you an easy way to open up communication to see what else might be going on…something like “I was pleased to receive the review last week and appreciate your kind comments. In order to continue performing well, I would like to meet with you today or tomorrow [if he's usually available on such short notice] to discuss ways in which I can improve my performance. Since I've only been in this position for a few months, I know I still have a lot to learn, so I'd like to get some constructive criticism on my weak points so that I can improve them.” Then keep the “I want criticism” attitude through an in-person conversation, take notes so that you don't forget anything he suggested you improve on, and see if implementing these suggestions helps. The goal in this is to make sure that you're not making some huge mistake you don't even know about and to learn, though his candid feedback, what issues are his biggest peeves and how to avoid them. (For example, if you already know there's 10 things that bother him and you think #3 is the worst in his book so you've been working hard to avoid it, you might find out that actually #7 is his biggest pet peeve and #3 is just something that irritates him a bit, so correcting #7 will help you out a lot more than #3.)

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.