Carolina is a NINJA CPA blogger.

Hello NINJAs,

After weeks of not feeling well, today I finally started to feel a lot better. I still don’t know for sure what I have, but my cardiologist said that I have an inflammation in one of my arteries.

He sent me to get a lot of exams done to make sure that it is nothing too serious.

Every day, I think about my life, health, family, work, and this CPA journey. I know my health should come first, but I just can’t stop doing what I’m doing.

Work is super busy, life is super busy, and I cannot simply put my CPA on hold. I have been through so much, and now I’m feeling tired and my body is telling that it is tired too.

However, I also know that if I don’t keep swimming I will never make it to the other side. I know I cannot quit this journey. I love my career almost the same way I love my family, and I feel that my career will never be complete if I don’t get my CPA license.

I have thought about new plans and ways to study and manage everything else around my life without affecting my health. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried everything already, and nothing has worked.

I also regret every day not taking FAR right after my last 70. If I had kept studying for FAR instead of studying for AUD and BEC, I know I would have passed and I wouldn’t be here complaining without any passing score.

I know I should have never been so ambitious by wanting to pass all the exams as quickly as possible. I should have taken the time to pass one exam at a time.

I have so many thoughts in my mind right now. I think about how others see me, for nobody around me understands the struggle and the magnitude of this journey. No one understands how draining this is. I hate when members of my family, friends, and co-workers ask me why I haven’t passed.

I know I shouldn’t care about what others say.

I know I have to do what makes me happy.

I know I have to sacrifice a lot to be able to reach my goals.

I know that this will not be forever.

I know that I just need to pass the first one to gain motivation.

I know that my son needs me, and I need to pass because he’ll be proud.

I know all of this, but I’m just tired and afraid that I will not be able to accomplish my goals, more now that I have heart issues.

Since I feel better today, I decided to start studying again. I will do my best not to get out of track with my studying plan.

I just need to find the strength and the motivation to keep swimming.