Anyone having to readjust their plans for failing marriage or divorce?

CPA Exam Review CPA Exam Forum Study Tips, State Issues, & International Studying for the CPA Exam Anyone having to readjust their plans for failing marriage or divorce?

This topic contains 125 replies, has 39 voices, and was last updated by  trish_1234 4 years, 3 months ago.

Viewing 30 posts - 1 through 30 (of 126 total)
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  • #187684

    FlaglerAmanda
    Participant

    I graduated December 2013, started my experience requirement the same time. I've taken the majority of the additional classes since then – just have two business classes left. Plan was to complete all 4 sections/experience/150 Hours all at the same time.

    Husband was on board – but kind of glossed over the detail of how freaking busy I'd be working for a tax/compilation firm AND getting all of this done. He only heard the part of “Done in one year”. He's now emotionally involved with an ex girlfriend — and we've had these issues MANY times in the past.

    It's hard to concentrate on Gleim when your life is falling apart, ya know?

    #676784

    maxwillguy
    Member

    Thats awful. Sorry to hear that. My marriage was falling apart long before but everything came to a head right as I started studying for FAR. Not great timing. I started last October and didn't sit until late February (but passed!).

    Now that all of that is behind me, I have taken REG, AUD, and will sit for BEC all from May to August. It has been quite a bit easier to focus on studying without all of that to deal with.

    I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to.

    #676785

    Anonymous

    Your spouse should understand that ANY professional career will require a substantial amount of hours, i.e. MD, JD, CPA, etc. There are plenty of blue-collar jobs out there where you can punch a time clock for 40 hours a week and earn a lower income so that you can both live with financial stress for the rest of your lives. You're simply making the choice to go further in life than settling for a low paying job. The bigger issue is that an ex-girlfriend is in the picture. Since you graduated in 2013 I'm assuming he's in his mid 20's so it could very well be a maturity issue. 25 year old males are not exactly the most mature people, I know I sure as hell wasn't. Took me to my early 30's to get married.

    #676786

    FlaglerAmanda
    Participant

    No – we're both mid-thirties. Two kids… been married 11 years.

    #676787

    mla1169
    Participant

    I wasn't studying for the CPA when I got divorced but had 2 kids (3 and 10 at the time) and was working full time. Like everything else in my life, I kept a positive attitude, controlled what I was able to and let go of what I couldn't do anything about. Honestly I was much happier after we separated than I was when we were together.

    #676788

    Gatorbates
    Participant

    Wow. If he's “emotionally involved” with an ex after 11 years of marriage, I'd move on. Easier said than done … but he's going to start blaming you (trust me, I'm a guy) that you pushed him into her arms, by not making him a priority. I've been married for 10 years … 2 kids … early 40's. And the time I put into studying was a burden on everyone. But I made my wife know about the time commitment. She was supportive, and she knew I was doing it for “us”.

    If you all have had many issues on the ex in the past … sounds like he's not 100% committed to the marriage and you should set him straight by putting all of his belongings in the front yard. I'm not a psychologist … I only play one on TV.

    Best of luck, and I'm sorry you are going through with this.

    #676789

    vlc1982
    Member

    I went through a divorce right between finishing my college credits and beginning my studying. Married 6 years and had a 2-year-old. I also worked full-time the whole time. I'm now almost done with the exam and am so much happier being out of a marriage that wasn't right for me. If someone is in a commited marriage, they shouldn't be repeatedly having emotional affairs with other people. You'd be surprised what you can handle and accomplish while going through hard times. You'd also be surprised at what your kids can handle. They are resiliant. My child is perfectly happy, smart, and well-behaved. I say get a divorce and move on with your life. You'll be a much stronger and more confident person. It doesn't mean you have to give up your goal of being a CPA. If you think you won't be able to handle it without a husband, that's just false. You can do it.

    #676790

    jpowell31
    Participant

    this isn't what's going to break your marriage. either let it happen or take a break to work on your marriage. if you've had issues in the past i don't think he's in this for you and if you had two kids, finished school and passed FAR with an 86…you probably don't need him, anyway 🙂

    -__-
    #676791

    tomq04
    Participant

    Holy crap, the logic in this thread breaks my heart.

    #676792

    The truth is…If there are cracks in a relationship the CPA exam process will bring it out. Between the stress and time commitment the flaws that are just under the surface will begin to come through. Double that for those that have a rough go and take a longer trek. I am really sorry about your marriage OP…..moving forward is the only direction IMO….

    #676793

    titoav15
    Participant

    I have recently went through something similar… Had very little support from my wife (who is now my exwife)… It was very hard to start the divorce process but I felt like I had to do it because I began to drown in my career. I had a ton of stress coming from all angles which resulted in high blood pressure and such. Did i say that she did not contribute financially either. Luckily we did not have kids. Oh well I'm only 25 got lots of time ahead of me. I now feel great and have no regrets.

    AUD - PASS

    FAR - PASS

    REG - PASS

    BEC - PASS

    #676794

    Tux
    Member

    tomq04 – what do you mean the logic behind this thread breaks your heart? I wonder if you disagree with the majority of comments recommending she leave him?

    IMO – I believe too many people give up on marriage way too easily, even if things have been hard for a long time. I would suggest that Flagler streamline her life as much as possible to work on the marriage. Believe me, I am NOT taking husband's side. His behavior is unacceptable, but we all act out in immature ways when we don't know how to handle a situation. The couple needs to address why he's acting this way, so it can be changed. Even if this has happened before, they obviously never got to the bottom of it cuz he's doing it again.

    Create time for counseling. If the CPA exams need to get put on hold for a while, then that might be what's necessary. I realize it would be extremely hard to put that on hold, especially after passing FAR, but priorities are very important in marriage. That's part of what makes it so challenging to begin with.

    Learn as much about marriage through books and videos as possible. Sounds like the husband is craving attention and doesn't have the discipline to know how and where to get it.

    He needs to communicate with his wife about how to get his needs met even while things in life are busy. And she can help too by asking specifically what would help him feel important like phone calls throughout the day, weekly date night, etc.

    I know it feels impossible, but anything is possible when we ask God for help.

    He might also be feeling insecure about his own career, if he sees her making progress in hers.?? Who knows what the issue is, but the real cause is beneath the surface which has nothing to do with the ex-girlfriend. She just happened to be the one that he turned to.

    Pray hard

    and read anything by John Gottman, Sue Johnson, also “Emotional Safety” by Don Catherall.

    Learn about shame in marriage, which is basically just an insecurity and how it causes people (especially men) to react to situations. When I say “especially men”, I'm not bashing. It's just that women are more sensitive about some topics and men are more sensitive about other topics.

    You might be able to make a lot of progress in a short amount of time with a marriage intensive –

    http://www.marriagetoday.com/resources/marriage-intensives/

    Good Christian marriage videos are here – MarriageToday.com – go to “television”, “latest videos” and scroll down. there are several pages of choices.

    You can look up counselors in your area here – http://www.iceeft.com/index.php/find-a-therapist

    They use a counseling method described in the book “Hold Me Tight”

    You can also look for a “family systems” therapist in your area. They focus on patterns in the family of origin and how that affects our behavior as adults.

    Get in the “drivers seat” on this issue. There's a lot that you can do. Do not feel helpless.

    I recently saw this 6 min. video – http://dranthony.com/recommends/assessment.html

    Here's one more – 2 min. – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdAyROIIths

    #676795

    Guti
    Participant

    I passed 3 parts on this horrible exam it was easy. I did 3 out of 3 in 12 months when the exam was MC based at 70% of the grade. I was not working at that time and my ex-wife got sick of me not working and taking so long to pass. I lost concentration because of the divorce and ended up lossing all my credits.You have to be in a very strong relationship to take this exam or your significant other needs to be as busy as you are.

    #676796

    tomq04
    Participant

    Tux- You're close to the heart of the matter, but things can get a little more personal.

    A huge majority of folks forget that marriage is about “us” and “me” becomes a very distant 2 (or 3 after kids). Obviously there are situations mentioned above causing problems. I just noticed every response mentioned why it wasn't working for them, the poster.

    I'm only 26 and have been married 3 years, and let me tell you that no “sane” person would have put up with most of the insanity, but we're stronger and tighter than ever. Side note, I do not recommend kids 9 months after getting married. We're happily enjoying kid #2 that were birth control babies 🙂 they are awesome, but there is a lot of stuff that 2 imperfect people need to work out…fortunately we have survived our massive crash course. If I lost my marriage over this test, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with it.

    #676797

    Skynet
    Participant

    Well after getting Shot down by every woman on A71, I'm pretty sure relationship issues is the least of my worries. 🙂

    AUD - 90
    BEC - 78
    FAR - 84
    REG - 87
    World Domination Plan

    Phase I : Pass CPA Exams - Complete
    Phase II : Megan Fox - In Progress
    Phase III : Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson Lingerie Pillow Fight
    Phase IV : Form the new Charlie's Angels with Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, & Gal Gadot
    Phase V : TBD

    #676798

    Guti
    Participant

    Skynet, once you pass the CPA exam, I know either Cricket or Lilla will take you.

    #676799

    maxwillguy
    Member

    My marriage was ending either way. I guess in my situation, the relationship issues got in the way of the studying, not the other way around.

    I asked about counseling. She wasn't interested. She cheated. She is not a good person. Moving on.

    #676800

    Pray and do all that you know to do to save your marriage. In the future, you will be at peace with yourself when you know that you did your best to save your marriage. Divorce is not easy on anyone especially the kids. On another note, please be careful. Cheating spouses have passed deadly diseases to their significant other. You don’t know how many people he is sleeping around with or how careful they are.

    Remember to pray and fast. There is nothing God can do. I pray God guides and helps you make the best decision-amen.

    #676803

    FlaglerAmanda
    Participant

    Update – I just took BEC, was hoping to take both REG and AUD this window….And he's got his ex girlfriend coming into town for the weekend. They're “just friends”… but he wants me to take her shopping for a marital aid while she's here. WTF, right?

    So, REG now, AUD in January, I guess since several study hours will be taken up by an unwanted guest.. and my last two business classes in January & February.

    CPA in time for the season… fingers crossed.

    #676804

    masa_inn
    Participant

    I am moving out with my kid. Yes, my marriage was already very rocky. Yes, CPA exam efficiently nailed the coffin of the said marriage.

    I'm 37 and kinda see myself as a single number cruncher for the rest of my life. Blah.

    #676805

    masa_inn
    Participant

    Edited to delete double

    #676806

    FlaglerAmanda
    Participant

    I'm just so damn tired between study, work, and family that I CANNOT handle this additional stress.

    I used to say “No major changes until…” Until I finish my degree, until I get the promotion, until I …whatever.

    I'm now thinking that I should have made the one change that will matter a long time ago.

    #676807

    Determined CPA
    Participant

    This tread is extremely sad.

    #676808

    Rocky123
    Member

    @flagleramanda

    What change are you referring to?

    #676809

    FlaglerAmanda
    Participant

    @rocky123

    Asking him to leave.

    #676810

    Rocky123
    Member

    I'm so sorry to hear that. Especially around the holidays. Are you going to wait until after?

    #676811

    FlaglerAmanda
    Participant

    I don't know what I'm going to do.

    I need to finish up the two exams & the two classes to finish the certification. That has to be my major focus…. while his “friend” and her medical issues are his.

    #676812

    Determined CPA
    Participant

    @flagleramanda – what does your husband do for a living? Just asking because it seems your life is very busy and progressing and maybe his is at a standstill and he is feeling 1. neglected and 2. less of a man? Maybe his ex is a little less busy and accomplished?

    Have you two tried therapy?

    Do you try and have date night? I study 6 nights a week (Mon-Thurs at night after work from 7-11) and then ALL day sat and roughly 5 hours sunday. But Fridays are OFF – NO STUDYING! I give him that – have you tried something like that? Or is it too far along by now?

    #676813

    FlaglerAmanda
    Participant

    He's working for a regional grocery chain. Less stress. He actually goes in at 3 AM most mornings. So he's always either sleeping or on the phone with his ex. I don't bother him because I respect that he needs sleep, but if she needs or wants something he's up and raring to go. His ex is definitely not as driven as me.

    We used to have a weekly date night. Then I had a class that met only on that night, he got into doing something else and I've had maybe three date nights since then. He's always too tired or wants to watch football so he can let his ex know how the game is going or anything but worry with me. So I study. So that one day I won't have to study.

    #676814

    Rocky123
    Member

    I'm no expert, but ending things right now might make things worse. You will have that to deal with, plus passing the exam, etc. Unless it's so stressful, that ending it right now would make things less stressful?

    I hope I'm making sense here.

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