December 4, 2014 at 3:23 pm #676875
Childcare is the biggest issue. I can't afford a nanny to take care of the kids so I can study/go to school.
2 exams to pass, 2 classes to take. Then I'm done with more than my CPA certificate.December 4, 2014 at 3:24 pm #676876
And yes, I have two daughters, 10 and nearly 8.December 4, 2014 at 3:30 pm #676877
Whenever my wife and I have a huge fight it ends with “we can't afford to do anything anyway. Can't pay for childcare.”
Childcare in the DC metro area is like a small mortgage.December 4, 2014 at 3:36 pm #676878
@Gatorbates – absolutely. Many people don't realize that children are like sponges. They're going to absorb whatever you put them in. I'm sorry @FlaglerAmanda. We shouldn't be judgemental or jump to conclusions, but wth is wrong with your man!? I'm with you in the fact that I simply, cannont, even begin to understand why someone can continue to act the way he has been. Smh and hoping for the best for you! You deserve better and will get it, whether it be with him or someone else!December 4, 2014 at 3:56 pm #676879
Let me preface what I'm about to say by saying yes, married people should make every attempt to make the marriage work. It is a commitment that should be taken very seriously.
That said, kids are better off when their parents are happy. No matter how much you THINK you hide your issues they sense it, they're smarter than you realize. There is nothing wrong with being a divorced parent as long as both parents put the kids first despite their differences.December 4, 2014 at 4:04 pm #676880
Sadly not many put the kids first even after divorce. Too much time spent looking for somebody else on Tinder or Facebook.
Not trying to be funny, I think it is sadly true.December 4, 2014 at 4:09 pm #676881
That's true Lion. When I divorced we decided our home was not “my” home or “his” home but the kids' home. So on the weekends when he had the kids I packed up my stuff and went to stay with my parents and he stayed at the house with the kids. We didn't do that forever but for the first 2 years or so, and I really believe it made it easier for my kids at the time.
6 years after we divorced, we got remarried. Yeah, its the definintion of insanity………December 4, 2014 at 4:19 pm #676882
@mla1169 – Good for you! That's great to hear that you were back with your husband. My pastor said it perfectly when he said that kids shouldn't be the center of the marriage, but rather the marriage should be the focus and the kids supported by the healthy relationship of their parents.
I think a big thing in relationships is to not forget to keep dating one another! Make time and be selfless.December 4, 2014 at 4:25 pm #676883
Yeah, I beg for dates. Arrange for the sitter, the entertainment and still I take a back seat.December 4, 2014 at 4:50 pm #676884GatorbatesParticipant
Typical Seminole male. Should have gone for a Gator. ;o)December 4, 2014 at 5:18 pm #676885December 4, 2014 at 5:20 pm #676886AnonymousInactive
Good information in here. I am the product of two divorced parents, who waited until after my sister and I graduated high school and were in college. We both knew for years that it was going to happen, so no need to sugarcoat what's happening. My parents are both very cordial with each other and my dad comes over every weekend to help out with stuff around the house. I think this is a big reason why my family is still pretty close.
My mom asked me the other day how the divorce affected me, and I told her it didn't bother me at all because she and my dad didn't fight over anything. In the end, they were both much better off apart because there wasn't any petty squabbling going on all the time. Being up front and honest with your children about it makes it a lot easier, trust me.December 4, 2014 at 6:09 pm #676887Excel14Participant
Don't say that to a Gator, since they always see the “Winston”, and not the “Hernandez”, in most topics brought up between fan bases. @Gator: And I'm just pulling your chain man, so no hard feelings. lolDecember 4, 2014 at 11:25 pm #676888tomq04Participant
My great aunt and uncle re-married 3 times… to themselves.December 4, 2014 at 11:33 pm #676889
Oh no tomq! Not going for a hat trick here lol!December 5, 2014 at 3:29 am #676890acctaksParticipant
Damn will he feel dumb when you're all done and you have the $$$ and ability to travel and do whatever else it is you like to do. If you had the same problems in the past then drop him! Through thick and thin right? Think of it as a blessing in disguise. I'm a single guy and I'm currently trying to date but the ladies I meet just don't understand what I'm trying to accomplish. When I'm done I know I'll be closer to the life that I want for myself. People come in and out of life. Nothing is constant.December 5, 2014 at 6:50 am #676891mnm87Member
Ok, I had to post here. I want to tell you a few things. I'm sorry if they sound brutal but i think you deserve better. I know i dont know much a bout your relationship and i could be wrong so i'm basing my ideas below on two facts 1) that your husband is emotionally involved with his ex 2) he works at a grocery store
1) Your husband is emotionally involved with his ex and has done do numerous times in the past has NOTHING to do with your CPA exam. It just means he is a weak, and selfish person.
2) You are a CPA and your husband works ina grocery store. I think you are intelligent and should try to be in a relationship where the guy also has some sort of career so that he can understand your position more.
3) I'm not telling you to leave your husband but I know how rough this exam process is even with a healthy relationship. I really think after your exam you should consider what you are worth.
I'm really really sorry if this brutal. To be honest, love is bullshit. It's about compassion, understanding, care. You really deserve better.December 5, 2014 at 6:56 am #676892mnm87Member
again, I;m really sorry for being so harsh. but i grew up in a family where my father was like that and ended up cheating on my mom numerous times. She had kids but she separated for their own good and we understood very well.
i just dont get how people are saying that people give up to easily in relationships. there are certain things you dont compromise. you are a well worthy person. Maybe my opinion is harsh because i've gone through this situation with my parents.December 5, 2014 at 12:29 pm #676893
MNM, it doesn't matter what her husband does for a living. Who cares where he works or what he does there? Plenty of successful white collar women are happily married to blue collar men, like myself. He doesn't need to be in a similarly suited line of work to be supportive and a great husband/father. My husband has worked in factories and currently deliveries. He is EVERYTHING that I am worth. You may think I'm an anomaly but there are bunches of wives here on this forum who have great husbands who only put on button down shirts for weddings and funerals.December 5, 2014 at 1:32 pm #676894MamabearMember
I agree with mla. It doesn't matter what her husband does. My husband has done every type of job imaginable and is now a hair stylist and waits tables as a second job. He encourages me and is really supportive of this entire process. It is possible that OP's husband isn't being supportive because he doesn't understand the importance of the CPA, which a lot of people that aren't in accounting don't understand. However, that shows more against his character than his employer. He could understand, regardless of what he does for a living, if he cared enough to take the time to understand. He isn't taking the time, which shows he doesn't care IMO.December 5, 2014 at 3:56 pm #676895GatorbatesParticipant
I think he isn't being supportive because he's a Delta Bravo.
And Excel … no hard feelings … Hernandez is right where he belongs. Winston, not so much. 🙂December 5, 2014 at 4:08 pm #676896December 5, 2014 at 4:30 pm #676897Excel14Participant
Well, based on all indications of the chick's story, and the lack of support by her friends or any other witnesses, I would say there is a reason Winston hasn't been charged. He may be guilty of a lot of bonehead things, but those close to the sexual assault situation, say it is bogus on her part. In any event, every school has its “black eyes”.May 20, 2015 at 7:08 pm #676898LStevens225Participant
I never thought I would be coming to this forum for advice on the topic of divorce but here I am.
My husband of three years recently graduated college and took a boys trip to Colorado. The morning he came back he told me that he's decided he does not want children. This was a punch to the gut. He'd always talk to me when I was skeptical about having kids saying how great it'd be and how wonderful our kids would be. Also after he told me this new I went a little stalkerish and looked at his phone records. Turns out he called another woman to discuss it with her before me. Another punch.
Now I've talked to him about if we're giving up to easily. He says no. We want different things and we shouldn't be together. Now I know marriage is hard… LORD do I know…. We've been through the ringer and recently had finally found how to deal with each other in a sense. Our marriage had been wonderful for about 6 months. We dealt with our issues so well. No more huge fights. We both SEEMED soo happy. I just want people to know that there is no more talking with him. He made up his mind and there is no changing… I have begun to accept this. It hurts like hell but I am dealing.
We have split most of our assets/debt already. I have talked to the attorney and we are moving forward. The house… oh goodness the house. Lots of fixing up to do but it'll get done and if we make or lose money we still discuss this in mediation.
How do I jump back into studying? I know I will need a stronger mindset that I do right now. But the added pressure of a divorce and moving back in with mom and dad (The agony is unbearable….) and having passed FAR and I have to pass the rest by Feb 2016. Oh and the depression… woe is me. I know I know but I don't know how this works.May 20, 2015 at 7:25 pm #676899
Honestly maybe the exam will be a nice distraction. When you study, just turn off your phone, etc. and sink into the books/lectures and don't worry about the divorce.
If it makes you feel any better a friend of mine told me about a co-worker who went through the same thing and she ended up passing all four sections very quickly because she used studying as an escape from what she was going through.
Good luck. It sounds like you're better off without him. Find somebody who wants kids, at least you aren't breaking up a home with kids at this point.May 20, 2015 at 7:28 pm #676900AnonymousInactive
I am sorry you have to go through this. But at least you don't have kids yet, that would have been 1000 worse.May 21, 2015 at 12:12 am #676901PandaramaParticipant
mla1169 said, “When I divorced we decided our home was not “my” home or “his” home but the kids' home. So on the weekends when he had the kids I packed up my stuff and went to stay with my parents and he stayed at the house with the kids.”
Wow, your husband and you gain major respect from me. This is a great solution to a sad situation. Happy to hear your marriage ultimately got worked out though in the long run.
@mnm87 – I'm in agreement with mla and mamabear. I don't think it's really fair to judge a person based on their job. This is basically a double standard. A guy has to have a high paying job otherwise he loses respect from everyone? Yet a woman can have the same crappy job as the guy and no one says one bad word about it. Every situation is obviously different of course. Though I do appreciate you bringing an honest and brutal opinion to the table.
@OP and others – many relationships tend to go sour because the appropriate boundaries aren't set. I can't believe this guy is talking to his ex on the phone for more than 5 minutes unless it's something seriously important. I have no issue with my significant other keeping in touch with ex's but he also knows where the line of a conversation and physical contact needs to be drawn.
This is definitely a rough time to be dealing with these issues, though there will never be a good time for dealing with the issue. I personally think you need to make a decision and act on it. Prolonging things typically doesn't improve a situation. Hopefully you've made progress in the last few months since this post has been started.May 21, 2015 at 12:56 am #676902SkynetParticipant
This why a marriage should be like the classification of an operating lease on a year-to-year basis with indefinite renewals. The terms of the marriage to be agreed on before hand like the inception of a lease to prevent any misunderstanidngs. All materials gained and children involved should be considered lease improvements.May 21, 2015 at 3:42 am #676903ZyxParticipant
Skynet cracks me up but he is damn right!
I'm with mla. My husband works at a grocery store that provides one of the best healthcare and benefits for employees (of course not Walmart). So who cares he does not wear shirts and work at a luxury office! Sometime I can't stand some white collars who think they are better than blue collars just because they wear shirts and ties everyday. Every job is equal.
@mnm87 I'm sorry to hear that. I think you will find good solutions to solve it. I have been studying a lot and barely have time with my husband. So he got a PS4 and entertains himself while I'm studying. You're doing the best for your family. Some people just never understand how difficult to work on CPA.May 21, 2015 at 4:01 pm #676904aj2013Participant
@Flagler From a fellow Amanda, I guess I mostly want an update from you. Does he still talk to her on the phone all the time? Is she visiting/staying in your house?
Cheating is NEVER good. Especially when you're married. (Sorry, I'm probably being obvious.) He made a promise to be with you, and while he's living in your house, he's mentally with her. Have you asked him for a reason he's talking to/about her more than you?
I agree with what a lot of people have said previously, marriage comes first – before CPA, before kids, whatever.
Also, how is he on your date nights? He talks about her? That is a slap in the face. You've dedicated your time away from studying (way more important than an ex) and he still can't let her go.
I don't know your situation, but I'm sure you have a gut feeling. My gut feeling (despite knowing very little) is to confront him and ask him to go to counseling with you. If he doesn't get rid of this ex business, you need to get rid of him though.
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