[Anonymous]

Hi All…I need help/advice. I’m a senior at a Big 4 firm and I’ve been here for about 2.5 years. I was rated extremely high my first two years and my work quality is always receiving verbal/written accolades and commendations from my superiors. However, I have a very serious problem — I really, truly struggle with controlling my emotions at work. I’m a dude, by the way, and I have a very short fuse. When something pisses me off, I have a tendency to bring out the sharp tongue. I’ve done it via e-mail, in person, IM, etc. I am pretty careful these days about sending nasty e-mails…if I feel myself writing an aggressive e-mail, I’ll usually save it as a draft and then delete it later. However, I still show emotional responses of frustration and sometimes “question” my boss more than they would like.

I would say I have a minor altercation probably once every 3-6 months where I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I realize I’m posting on a public forum and I’m probably going to be crapped on a bit, but I’m trying to improve myself and learn to be in control of my emotions (especially anger/frustration) to be an all-around better employee. Ironically, I protect my staff like they were my kin…if they screw up, surprisingly, I don’t get that mad…I just work with them to make sure they understand their mistake and know that they will do better in the future. It’s usually my superiors that piss me off. My boss has told me that I would be probably his top senior if I didn’t carry around “emotional B.S.”. I hate him for it, but he’s right. I respect him and I know that if I don’t change soon, I’ll get a reputation for being difficult to work with.

I understand that I probably won’t get a lot of sympathy from the public because you’ve probably all worked with someone like I’ve just described and hate him/her with a passion. But for those of you who might understand my plight, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[jeff]

Does this anger spill over into your personal relationships?

AUD - 79
BEC - 80
FAR - 76
REG - 92

Jeff Elliott, CPA (KS)
NINJA CPA | NINJA CMA | NINJA CPE | Another71

[jeff]

Does this anger spill over into your personal relationships?

AUD - 79
BEC - 80
FAR - 76
REG - 92

Jeff Elliott, CPA (KS)
NINJA CPA | NINJA CMA | NINJA CPE | Another71

[Anonymous]

Actually, no. I rarely get upset/frustrated with my friends and family. It's mainly just work.

[Anonymous]

Actually, no. I rarely get upset/frustrated with my friends and family. It's mainly just work.

[Never_Give_Up1]

I can actually relate to this. I get frustrated with the people I currently work with. I think it boils down to patience. Being a top performer you most likely are expecting people to be at your level. When they screw up or don't understand, just know your superior brain power melts their feeble mind and you will always be making more than them. Or you can accept that as an accountant you have a mild case of OCD and so do they since they are also accountants. Most likely the people in your life know what makes you tick and have adjusted to your idiosyncrasies. If I were you I would just do things that enhance your patience. You would rather be looked at as a stone cold killer with assassin tendencies, than to look like an emotional wimp who could freak out at any second.

FAR - 81
REG - 81
AUD - 82
BEC - 81

Ethics - Done
State License Exam - Done

License - Licensed CPA in Utah

[Never_Give_Up1]

I can actually relate to this. I get frustrated with the people I currently work with. I think it boils down to patience. Being a top performer you most likely are expecting people to be at your level. When they screw up or don't understand, just know your superior brain power melts their feeble mind and you will always be making more than them. Or you can accept that as an accountant you have a mild case of OCD and so do they since they are also accountants. Most likely the people in your life know what makes you tick and have adjusted to your idiosyncrasies. If I were you I would just do things that enhance your patience. You would rather be looked at as a stone cold killer with assassin tendencies, than to look like an emotional wimp who could freak out at any second.

FAR - 81
REG - 81
AUD - 82
BEC - 81

Ethics - Done
State License Exam - Done

License - Licensed CPA in Utah

[Anonymous]

I've had a number of co-workers in the past with difficulty controlling their emotions and I've gotta commend you for coming right out and saying it (albeit anonymously). I can't say I've ever actually “hated” any of my co-workers,at least not ones that fit your description, but working with them could have been much more difficult without understanding the source of their aggression.

I actually grew up as a pretty angry kid and “hated” a lot of things in the world. Much of that melted away when I began questioning the importance of things that made me upset — in most cases it turns out that they really didn't matter. I've learned to accept certain inefficiencies working with certain people, and forgive unfriendly attitudes around the office. I like to think that I have high expectations for myself and will try to remedy any of my own inefficiencies or personality traits that unduly make other uncomfortable, but I can't expect the world to operate in the way that I want it to. In fact, I expect it not to. Just being flexible has kept my anger at bay more times than I can count.

Certainly there are principles and morals that should never be compromised, but you'd be amazed at how much more powerful and influential calmness can be over anger — experiencing that on its own is incentive enough to control your emotions.

…then again, I don't work at the Big 4 …but I'd like to (*hint,hint* *nudge,nudge*) 😛

[Anonymous]

I've had a number of co-workers in the past with difficulty controlling their emotions and I've gotta commend you for coming right out and saying it (albeit anonymously). I can't say I've ever actually “hated” any of my co-workers,at least not ones that fit your description, but working with them could have been much more difficult without understanding the source of their aggression.

I actually grew up as a pretty angry kid and “hated” a lot of things in the world. Much of that melted away when I began questioning the importance of things that made me upset — in most cases it turns out that they really didn't matter. I've learned to accept certain inefficiencies working with certain people, and forgive unfriendly attitudes around the office. I like to think that I have high expectations for myself and will try to remedy any of my own inefficiencies or personality traits that unduly make other uncomfortable, but I can't expect the world to operate in the way that I want it to. In fact, I expect it not to. Just being flexible has kept my anger at bay more times than I can count.

Certainly there are principles and morals that should never be compromised, but you'd be amazed at how much more powerful and influential calmness can be over anger — experiencing that on its own is incentive enough to control your emotions.

…then again, I don't work at the Big 4 …but I'd like to (*hint,hint* *nudge,nudge*) 😛

[Anonymous]

Good for you on looking for ways to become a better co-worker and improve yourself.

Why do you respond differently to bosses and co- workers than your staff and friends? What “triggers' that response? Have you always responded like this to some people in your life, or is this a “new thing” with your bosses and coworkers?

My “quick” suggestions, look at some conflict resolutions devices. That may help defuse yourself prior to the confrontation. Finding one that will fit your situation and reasoning for being mad. For example respond to your boss like you would your staff. When you start getting frustrated look at them like a first year associate and maybe that will help defuse you. (this is about you diffusing your frustration so not to lash out, not claiming that anyone who has worked that hard for the promotions to be like a first year) Or if you are upset because they did not do x or should have done x, did you ask them to? Was there the expectation of what you wanted?

There are lots of conflict management tools out there. And classes on interpersonal relationships. Yes, I said the relationship word. You do have a work relationship with them, and need to have it be successful to continue to be promoted. The interpersonal classes focus on work type relationships to help you be more successful.

[Anonymous]

Good for you on looking for ways to become a better co-worker and improve yourself.

Why do you respond differently to bosses and co- workers than your staff and friends? What “triggers' that response? Have you always responded like this to some people in your life, or is this a “new thing” with your bosses and coworkers?

My “quick” suggestions, look at some conflict resolutions devices. That may help defuse yourself prior to the confrontation. Finding one that will fit your situation and reasoning for being mad. For example respond to your boss like you would your staff. When you start getting frustrated look at them like a first year associate and maybe that will help defuse you. (this is about you diffusing your frustration so not to lash out, not claiming that anyone who has worked that hard for the promotions to be like a first year) Or if you are upset because they did not do x or should have done x, did you ask them to? Was there the expectation of what you wanted?

There are lots of conflict management tools out there. And classes on interpersonal relationships. Yes, I said the relationship word. You do have a work relationship with them, and need to have it be successful to continue to be promoted. The interpersonal classes focus on work type relationships to help you be more successful.

[Study Monk]

I have the same personality type and have seen some improvement by reading Buddhist books. Many are not that focused on religion and are just about controlling your emotions.

That being said I can still have an outburst myself if I am not watching my behavior. If your looking for a couple of sentences of wisdom I am not sure that I am qualified to give them but I will try. Next time you feel angry step away from the situation and realize that it is just a job and that working with annoying employers is common of any job. Do not focus on the ways that you are better than them but realize that they like you have there own struggles and own annoying bosses to deal with. Instead of finding strength in your ability to give people a piece of your mind find strength that you have the restraint necessary to make it not bother you. I need to study now….good luck.

I spoke to an ancient wise man who sent me on a mushroom induced journey through an ancient forest to find the key to passing the CPA exam. A talking spider monkey told me to throw the last of my drinking water in the dirt to find what I was looking for. So I followed his instructions and the following message appeared in the soil:

"Do 5000 multiple choice questions for each section"

[Study Monk]

I have the same personality type and have seen some improvement by reading Buddhist books. Many are not that focused on religion and are just about controlling your emotions.

That being said I can still have an outburst myself if I am not watching my behavior. If your looking for a couple of sentences of wisdom I am not sure that I am qualified to give them but I will try. Next time you feel angry step away from the situation and realize that it is just a job and that working with annoying employers is common of any job. Do not focus on the ways that you are better than them but realize that they like you have there own struggles and own annoying bosses to deal with. Instead of finding strength in your ability to give people a piece of your mind find strength that you have the restraint necessary to make it not bother you. I need to study now….good luck.

I spoke to an ancient wise man who sent me on a mushroom induced journey through an ancient forest to find the key to passing the CPA exam. A talking spider monkey told me to throw the last of my drinking water in the dirt to find what I was looking for. So I followed his instructions and the following message appeared in the soil:

"Do 5000 multiple choice questions for each section"

[Anonymous]

@NeverGiveUp – Haha thanks for the chuckle. I am very confident in my abilities, but I’m not (well, at least I don’t think!) an arrogant jerk. I am absolutely OCD, but if people are having a rational discussion with me, I respond very tactfully and rationally. Irrational people have (mistakenly) been met with aggression. I sincerely appreciate the advice. I work with people who are like robots and I envy their self-control. They don’t care about what happens at work. Literally, nothing fazes them. Boss yells at them…who cares. Deadline missed…who cares. I need a stone-cold assassin training course haha.

@AngelCityStories – Well thanks, and yes, I realize that when I get frustrated/angry/upset and bring emotion into what should just be business as usual, it is a pain in the a** for my boss(es) to have to deal with. Your advice is sound…whenever I have one of these situations; I always reflect on it and realize it was not that important. I would (seriously) love to start practicing either yoga or meditation or both and become more in touch with my spiritual self. Thank you for the response.

@BeachGirl – I think the main “difference” is the environment I work in. I work on a huge team of extremely negative people. They can be very rude and when you fight back or “call” them on it, you’re being sensitive and taking it too personally. I think the negative environment for the past 2.5 years has really gotten to me and the way I handle tough situations with upper management. I will look into conflict resolution tools…I think that could really benefit me. I really appreciate your advice!

@StudyMonk – That’s a great idea! I was just saying up above that I want to get into yoga/meditation. I really need to learn to center myself to be more in control of my emotional responses.

I really appreciate you guys not judging me…it’s a huge development area of mine and is something that can really limit my career. Thanks for the help and support.

[Anonymous]

@NeverGiveUp – Haha thanks for the chuckle. I am very confident in my abilities, but I’m not (well, at least I don’t think!) an arrogant jerk. I am absolutely OCD, but if people are having a rational discussion with me, I respond very tactfully and rationally. Irrational people have (mistakenly) been met with aggression. I sincerely appreciate the advice. I work with people who are like robots and I envy their self-control. They don’t care about what happens at work. Literally, nothing fazes them. Boss yells at them…who cares. Deadline missed…who cares. I need a stone-cold assassin training course haha.

@AngelCityStories – Well thanks, and yes, I realize that when I get frustrated/angry/upset and bring emotion into what should just be business as usual, it is a pain in the a** for my boss(es) to have to deal with. Your advice is sound…whenever I have one of these situations; I always reflect on it and realize it was not that important. I would (seriously) love to start practicing either yoga or meditation or both and become more in touch with my spiritual self. Thank you for the response.

@BeachGirl – I think the main “difference” is the environment I work in. I work on a huge team of extremely negative people. They can be very rude and when you fight back or “call” them on it, you’re being sensitive and taking it too personally. I think the negative environment for the past 2.5 years has really gotten to me and the way I handle tough situations with upper management. I will look into conflict resolution tools…I think that could really benefit me. I really appreciate your advice!

@StudyMonk – That’s a great idea! I was just saying up above that I want to get into yoga/meditation. I really need to learn to center myself to be more in control of my emotional responses.

I really appreciate you guys not judging me…it’s a huge development area of mine and is something that can really limit my career. Thanks for the help and support.

[SeattleAccountant]

Go for a walk or light run, seriously dude, it helps!

Cut on sugar, caffeine, white carbs. You could be constantly crashing and not realizing it.

Some people have horrible moods while ingesting allergenic foods like peanuts, gluten, soy.

Becker Class of Jan - Aug 2013: FARB DONE!!!!
CPA license pending 🙂

[Author]

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