Does anyone else suffer with crippling anxiety/depression dealing with the exam?

CPA Exam Review CPA Exam Forum CPA Exam Score Release CPA Exam Score Release Does anyone else suffer with crippling anxiety/depression dealing with the exam?

This topic contains 16 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by Puppykoala Puppykoala 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 17 posts - 1 through 17 (of 17 total)
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  • #2419236

    amandaaa
    Participant

    Just wondering. I know it sounds dramatic but it’s actually a real problem for me. To the point where I tried studying for the exam for 3 years and couldn’t get myself to take a part because I was scared I would fail. I even ended up signing up for one and having to cancel a few days before because I had thoughts of harming myself and ended up hospitalized.

    I finally took take AUD in October and passed with an 88. I took BEC beginning of March and passed with a 90. I recently took FAR and am waiting on my score release today and I am struggling with thoughts of suicide and having anxiety attacks because I’m scared of failing.

    Does anybody else get like this? Also I’m not judging others that fail, please do not take offense. This is my issue with myself. I wrap my entire self worth around passing because I hate my life and myself and don’t think I’m good at anything else. I know I’ve passed every time so far, but it’s a huge surprise to me each time because I don’t believe I’m good enough.

    AUD - 88
    BEC - 90
    FAR - 89
    REG - NINJA in Training
    I’m going to end up dying at 30 because I keep making deals with God to trade years of my life for passing scores.
    #2419248
    BrightLIght
    BrightLIght
    Participant

    You grew up with narcissistic parents? Try going for a long walk…like a 3 hours walk, seriously, and not along any road, like a quiet street or the woods somewhere…better than any therapy. for sure!

    “The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” ― Leo Tolstoy (War and Peace)
    #2419254
    Recked
    Recked
    Participant

    Well, first things first. Yea, I get the whole anxiety and self harm thing and getting so wrapped up in a pass, but a word of advice.
    It's just one test. A fail doesn't mean the end of the world, you just take it again. The sun will still rise tomorrow, and the next day.
    It's completely normal to feel anxious and extremely worried and all of that. Just take it one step at a time.
    If you passed AUD and BEC with those scores I think you will be ok for FAR, and if not, you will still be okay, and just get it next time.
    _
    The CPA exam is not the end all be all to life. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Hopefully you only have one section to go and you can be done with this.
    After you get done with the exams, I'd recommend a trainer, or a life coach or something. Find out what is harming your self esteem and then take corrective action to build it and overcome these problems. Life is too short to worry about things to this extreme. Starting to work out/go to the gym, and running changed my life. There is no one simple answer, but I'd strongly suggest you start looking for something.

    Memento Mori - Kingston NY CPA & EA (SUNY Albany 2002)

    FAR-93 11/9/17 (10wks, 250 hrs, Roger 1800+ MCQs, Gleim TB 600+MCQs, SIMs)
    AUD-88 12/7/17 (3 wks, 85 hrs, Roger 1000 MCQs no SIMs hail mary)
    REG-96 1/18/18 (6 wks, 110 hrs, 1400 MCQs, no SIMs)
    BEC-91 2/16/18 (4wks, 90 hrs, 1240 MCQs)

    #2419260

    TommyL
    Participant

    If you are struggling with thoughts of Suicide then I think professional assistance is needed. All i can say is that there are so many people out there who are worse off, and still managed to overcome adversity. I usually listen to motivational speeches when I lift weights at the gym, and this quote helped me alot throughout my life: “Failure is not the end of your story, but the start of your comeback story”

    You are off to an amazing start so far, better than alot of people here can even dream of. Even if you do fail, showing the universe that you can keep fighting is what separates girls from women.

    Best of luck to you~

    AUD - 81
    BEC - 84
    FAR - 78
    REG - 86
    Goals
    #2419272
    BrightLIght
    BrightLIght
    Participant

    Oh wow this link is totally not related all I don't know why this is being posted here – fingers, stop it! Stop all this and shut off this forum and let me study already!

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1071010/

    “The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” ― Leo Tolstoy (War and Peace)
    #2419305

    jeff
    Keymaster

    88 and 90? You're rocking it.

    Even if FAR comes up short – you'll be just fine. You have great scores and are on your way to passing.

    No one will ever ask you how many times you took the CPA Exam in an interview.

    #2419488

    amandaaa
    Participant

    Thanks everyone. Just wanted to see if anyone else felt this way on score release day or am I crazy. I’m grateful for everything so far but it’s still hard not to feel down on myself. Maybe not the best outlook, but I tend to expect the worst so I’m not disappointed if it doesn’t workout.

    AUD - 88
    BEC - 90
    FAR - 89
    REG - NINJA in Training
    I’m going to end up dying at 30 because I keep making deals with God to trade years of my life for passing scores.
    #2419554

    Charlie
    Participant

    I can relate to feeling depressed, anxious, and incredibly stressed as the test approaches. My next one is Friday. Even though I'm in a good place with my studying, and it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I had to retake it, I find myself having trouble sleeping and generally feeling sad and unhappy a lot. This has also manifested itself in eating large amounts of chocolate and ice cream and staying home instead of reaching out to friends and family. Each time I've passed has been a surprise to me because I have always felt awful about the exam after taking it. I actually didn't realize that all these feelings I've been having lately were related to the test so I have to thank you for your post. Please know that you are not alone.

    Why pass four exams when you can pass six?

    AUD - 87 (expired, 2/12), 81 (7/19)

    BEC - 81 (expired, 4/12), 86 (7/19)

    FAR - 89 (4/19)

    REG - 82 (5/19)

    #2419566

    amandaaa
    Participant

    Wait you’re Jeff Elliot? That actually makes me feel better that you replied to my post! Thanks! Lol

    AUD - 88
    BEC - 90
    FAR - 89
    REG - NINJA in Training
    I’m going to end up dying at 30 because I keep making deals with God to trade years of my life for passing scores.
    #2419617

    Nate
    Participant

    I love being a CPA and I'm proud of that accomplishment, but in the grand scheme of life it's pretty meaningless. When we're all on our deathbeds, we won't be thinking about the tax returns or audits we did, but the people who loved us and the people we loved. Passing or failing the CPA exams does not change your ability to be loved by others. Try the Mr. Rogers trick, whenever you feel down, just close your eyes, turn off all sounds, and take about 60 seconds to think of someone that you love, someone that has impacted your life greatly. Think about what that person has taught you, the memories you cherish, and what you love most about them. Once you're done, then think about how happy it would make that person to know you thought about them. The beauty behind that is it brings good and loving memories to your mind, but it also enables you to know that you can/did/will have that same impact on someone else; that when the person you impacted is asked that question, they think about you. And when they think about you, they won't think about your exam scores or if you were a CPA or not, they'll think about who you are as a person. This CPA journey has a way of redefining the importance of life to many candidates, but just remember what's truly important, the people in your life.

    And also like Jeff said, you have two great scores, you're doing a great job and should be proud of those scores! Everything will be OK Amanda (assuming that's your real name).

    AUD: 54 (10/31/15); 83 (12/02/17)
    BEC: 70 (01/31/16); 90 (07/02/17)
    FAR: 73 (10/03/15); 88 (02/17/18)
    REG: 83 (06/09/18)
    AICPA Ethics: 91 (06/28/18)
    Licensed: 08/16/18

    Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
    -Galatians 6:9

    #2423115
    YouCanDoIt
    YouCanDoIt
    Participant

    Funny, or maybe even sad that studying/working actually helps me take my mind off other things in life that cause me anxiety! Dont be hard on yourself, I hope you find somechannels to help find some sort of relief that works with you. Best of luck.

    AUD - 77
    BEC - 79
    FAR - 75
    REG - 80
    Won't know until you try.
    #2424258

    bigstakk
    Participant

    Please seek professional help. You seem very smart and talented, but these thoughts are very unhealthy and truly troubling to read about. Self harm and suicidal thoughts is very serious. You truly have no reason to feel this way. Anxiety is perfectly normal when facing hard challenges. You are doing an incredible job with the tests so far and I’m certain you will pass the remaining parts. I sincerely wish you nothing but the best.

    AUD - 81
    BEC - NINJA in Training
    FAR - 80
    REG - 82
    ______________
    #2427342

    amandaaa
    Participant

    It's validating to see someone that relates. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Thank you for everyone for being so supportive. My intent of this post wasn't to garner sympathy but it's something I struggle with and I wasn't sure if anyone ever felt the same. It's not really something we talk about but I imagine the exam may be taking a toll on someone's mental health out there.

    I do see a psychiatrist on a monthly basis. I have been through intensive therapy and I've taken a break from seeing a therapist now that I am trying to finish my exams, but I have a great job as a senior with very supportive coworkers. I exercise regularly and it's a great outlet for me, and I now have a healthy relationship with food. Still, I am still sad and I put way too much pressure on myself with the exam.

    Currently, I'm really struggling because I was due to have my score released on Thursday and it was delayed without notice. I don't know when it will be released and it's extremely frustrating. When I took the exam, I wasn't given the option for the 15 min untimed schedule break. I put in a complaint which was dismissed. When I argued the ruling, I didn't receive any response whatsoever. Nobody told me, even when I e-mailed and left message for Candidate Care. Apparently, they reopened the investigation without giving me any heads up that my score would be delayed and even the Examination department didn't know why it was delayed until I kept demanding answers.

    Super frustrating but they will not give me a timeframe whatsoever and I'm having a hard time getting myself to study for REG when I don't know for sure if I passed FAR. 🙁

    AUD - 88
    BEC - 90
    FAR - 89
    REG - NINJA in Training
    I’m going to end up dying at 30 because I keep making deals with God to trade years of my life for passing scores.
    #2432340

    Charlie
    Participant

    To have to keep waiting sounds awful! I hope you get your score soon. Fingers crossed!!

    Why pass four exams when you can pass six?

    AUD - 87 (expired, 2/12), 81 (7/19)

    BEC - 81 (expired, 4/12), 86 (7/19)

    FAR - 89 (4/19)

    REG - 82 (5/19)

    #2434980

    amandaaa
    Participant

    Finally got my score one week later. I got an 89 too! Can’t believe I passed. I know it’s ridiculous I put my head through all this but it will all be over soon.

    AUD - 88
    BEC - 90
    FAR - 89
    REG - NINJA in Training
    I’m going to end up dying at 30 because I keep making deals with God to trade years of my life for passing scores.
    #2435052

    Charlie
    Participant

    Woohoo!! 89s Unite! Congratulations!

    Why pass four exams when you can pass six?

    AUD - 87 (expired, 2/12), 81 (7/19)

    BEC - 81 (expired, 4/12), 86 (7/19)

    FAR - 89 (4/19)

    REG - 82 (5/19)

    #2435112
    Puppykoala
    Puppykoala
    Participant

    GOOD JOB AMANDA!

    Shoot for the stars!

    FAR 88 04/19

    REG 95 07/19

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