[Rocky123]

How do you let a man know what he could lose (me) without shoving it in his face? How do I do it subtly?

No jokes, Skynet.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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Rocky123, CPA

[san4596]

Hold on…..41 and no kids? I really hate to break it to you, but he is not being truthful with you. You can call it a hunch, but I feel that this is a fact. HE DOES NOT WANT KIDS. It's the whole game that some men play saying they want kids, but in reality they do not care to have children. They just tell the woman that to keep the relationship going.

Think about it this way: Nobody EVER has time to raise children. Parents make time to raise children. There is NEVER a perfect time to have children.

CPA EXAM: DONE!!!!
Ethics Course: Passed
Application Mailed: 3/16/15
Professional Conduct Exam: 97
Certification Date: 4/2/15!!!

[Rocky123]

@san4596

You may have a point. He was married for almost 15 years. He said the first few years he didn't want kids. He wanted to focus on his career. Then after that, they had problems in their marriage (she cheated) and they didn't have kids. He stayed in a dead marriage for several years.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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Rocky123, CPA

[san4596]

Like Micky would say: “Knock that bum out!”

Go find yourself a young mid-30's stud and live your life!

CPA EXAM: DONE!!!!
Ethics Course: Passed
Application Mailed: 3/16/15
Professional Conduct Exam: 97
Certification Date: 4/2/15!!!

[mla1169]

mmmmmmmm, that sounds like a story a guy tells a girl he digs when he doesn't want to just say that he likes his life just the way it is and isn't looking to make sweeping changes.

That said, think from his point of view. You've been together nearly a year at a snails pace (admittedly by your own doing) until you got through the CPA exams. Now that you're done you want to go right from 1st gear to 4th gear because of your own timetable and are concerned that he isn't ready to accelerate at the same rate as you? Its hardly a warning sign to me about your relationship, but I'm not sure its feasible for you to be the only one in the drivers seat.

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[Missbots]

Sorry Rocky, i think if he is not ready to tell you he loves you yet, he is definitely not ready to have kids with you,..yet..

relationships are hard and walking away is even harder,

you have to weigh your options..what if he really doesn't want kids…like someone above said

Im not sure what i would do if i were in your shoes, but i think i would broaden my horizons and try to find someone that wants the same things i do

I mean at 41 he really should have a plan, like when he would like to start trying for kids…in a year or 2, but if he doesn't have anything planned, then he probably doesn't want to have kids

Remember he has a whole lot of time to make babies, and you dnt..so make choices that work best for you

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hijack your thread @ Rocky123.

There's more to this, but this is the short version. What if you've dated for 2 years and lived together for 1, he doesn't say the 3 words unless i do, and you can tell it seems forced, haven't met his friends and or family (besides his mother), he claims he likes being private. I am about to turn 30 and he's 34. We did have a discussion about marriage and kids and i don't think we are on the same page because all he said was he had to be mentally prepared. I dont know how long it will take for him to mentally prepared. How do you bring up the conversation without being pushy? or better yet how do you give them the boot?

[mla1169]

CheZ, sounds like you already know the answer to your question and are looking for confirmation from your peers. Your gut is always right, confirmation given!

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[Rocky123]

He's great with my 2 kids (aged 10 and 8). He seems to enjoy spending time with them.

Is mla right? Am I expecting too much after coming off of the CPA Exam?

@mla

You think he fed me that line because he just doesn't want to admit he doesn't want kids?

When I mentioned the kids thing and my clock, he said he needs time to think about things. That it's not just about having a baby, but getting married, living together, etc.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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Rocky123, CPA

[ruggercpa2b]

I have been in your shoes but not with kids. I had all the red flags yet I hung on for almost 7 years and had to break up with him. I finally met a wonderful guy, we've been together 3 years and are getting married. When I first met him I was up front, I told him I wanted a boyfriend and if that was not what he was looking for then there was no need to waste each other's time. We dated for a year and then we moved in together.

I am 35 and have made a lot of terrible dating mistakes. I look back now and realize I wasted a lot of time by hoping that people would change. I dated a guy for 2 years who flat out told me that he didnt see me as someone he would marry. I hung on to that one because I figured he would come around.

I know this sounds cliche but when guys know they want to be with you long term they dont play these games. I think he enjoys being with you but probably is not sure if he wants to be in this long term.

I would say you should follow up with him and ask him. If he beats about the bush then you need to move on. Better to do it now than wait.

You mentioned that you have 2 kids already. Do you want more children? Or do you want a child with this guy? What if he doesnt want kids but does want to be with you and your 2 kids. Would that be a deal breaker? My fiance's step dad married his mom and she had 2 kids already. He never wanted kids but raised the 2 boys like they were his own kids. They have been married for 22 years.

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I am so ready for this nightmare to be over. Been at this way too long.

[tomq04]

If he's great with your kids is that a deal breaker? Babies at 40 ain't easy! (but neither is the CPA)

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[mla1169]

rocky, I wouldn't presume whether he does or does not want kids. I would almost guarantee you he doesn't want to make that decision right now.

If the <1 year you've been together has been entirely during your CPA journey, he hasn't really gotten a chance to KNOW you yet IMHO. If because you've had to allocate your attention to a job, children, and cpa studies (which is good) he only got to see you 1-2 days a week during your entire relationship, I see it as you've actually been together 1-2 months. (If you figure an average couple spends time together 5-7 days a week and you're at a quarter of that, right?)

So you kind of have to “pro rate” the duration of your relationship, if you ask me. Now he wants to know what its like when he sees you 5-7 days a week to decide about the relationship. Thats fair, a relationship that the partners see each other once a week is vastly different than seeing each other every day, which presumably you would if you had a child together.

I understand at 39 its either now or never with the baby idea, but I can understand him wanting to get to know the “not studying for exams” rocky first.

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[Rocky123]

@mla

Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it. He says he needs time to see if we work. Again, I get that. If I was 30, it wouldn't be an issue. I wouldn't be in a rush at that point.

However, I do want to have a family with him.

I don't know if he's really thinking or just avoiding the issue. He has terrible communication skills. He needs days to think about what he wants to say about things. It's very frustrating.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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Rocky123, CPA

[How many letters do you need]

I don't agree with sans statement at all. I'm 40, divorced and have no kids. My marriage was short and horrible and I just refused to bring kids into that mess. I am engaged and getting married in a year to an amazing woman, we plan to have 2 kids. She made her intentions of wanting to get married and have kids very clear to me within the first few months, didn't want to waste any time. To me it's always been about the woman. I've wanted a family but not with the wrong girl and couldn't find the right one.

The real red flag is this: if he's 41, with you a year and can't say “I love you” back it means he's damaged. If he can't even say “I love you” after a year what you have on your hands is probably a very nice but seriously damaged committmentphobe. I agree mostly with mla comments but in my opinion I wouldn't expect a favorable response, although I seriously hope I'm wrong! Good luck.

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[Skynet]

1. Make out with your neighbor's wife. Make sure that he catches you when he gets home. Then tell him that you're leaving him for her.

2. Tell him that you are quitting accounting and will be taking a job at the local Gentlemen's club and if he wants to see you it will be whatever your going rate is for lap dances.

3. Place hints around the house that you decided to become a Nun by having a nun costume freshly dried cleaned from the cleaners, divorce papers on his desk, and light a “Freshly Signed Divorced Papers” Scented Candle.

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World Domination Plan

Phase I : Pass CPA Exams - Complete
Phase II : Megan Fox - In Progress
Phase III : Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson Lingerie Pillow Fight
Phase IV : Form the new Charlie's Angels with Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, & Gal Gadot
Phase V : TBD

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World Domination Plan

Phase I : Pass CPA Exams - Complete
Phase II : Megan Fox - Initiated
Phase III : Bring back 8-Tracks
Phase IV : Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson Lingerie Pillow Fight
Phase V : TBA

[san4596]

Skynet – You forgot to give him a Bottle of Lotion labeled “New Girlfriend.” and to Leave edible underwear on the bathroom floor with only 1 bite out of them.

How Many – I'm not labeling all 40 yr old virgins (Seriously Just Kidding… ;D) You and I see pretty eye to eye in this situation. My conclusion is based on many factors, and a biggy is the “I love you.” Someone who sticks with a CPA candidate through the process is either “In Love” or enjoying the benefits of alone time while still having someone to shag with. Not being immature, but we are men.

CPA EXAM: DONE!!!!
Ethics Course: Passed
Application Mailed: 3/16/15
Professional Conduct Exam: 97
Certification Date: 4/2/15!!!

[Author]

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