[SHIRLY143]

So I read so many of these posts in the last 2 days trying to find the correct solution, yet I can’t. So here is my story and I would so appreciate some feedback.

Graduated fall 2009. I started the CPA study 2010. Took bec n audit failed both. My marriage had been on a rough path since 2006 when I went back to sac state to complete my BS after having 2 kids. We’ll things never got better but I made it to graduation somehow. Semester after semester thinking of dropping out, fighting, but then pushing through with a full time job, 2 kids n an insecure husband. I made it. Fortunately got a job with FTB couple months after graduation. After my first attempt of CPA in 2010 I gave up. Marriage issues were on the rise. I would pick up to study like every 3 months. Then drop it due to problems in marriage. 2011-2013 still married, n together but problems have not yet disappeared.

2013 I slowly studied n took audit again. Scored better than first time but did not pass. 2014 we r still together. This year I wanna study again. I got the books, paid the fees once n let it expire. 🙁

Husband says he will allow me time. Yet it all the work drops on me.

My routine. I wake up at 5am to shower n pray. Then prep breakfast n lunch for kids n husband for school n work. I drop kids to school n go to wrk. After wrk schedule as follows:

Monday-I get out of wrk in time to take daughter to dance class at 6. daughter has dance class from 6-7. I drop her . Use that hour to wrk out or run pick her up at 715. Drop couple other girls n get home by 7:40. Prep dinner while kids shower. I sometimes make tortillas or curry for Tuesday lunch on Monday night. Kids eat. I help/chk homewrk. By the time I shower it like 10. I’m beat.

Tuesday- I like to do some sort if Jillian michaels video at home if I don’t go to gym for an hour to refresh . Shower by 7:30. Dinner. Chk home wrk. It’s 8:30-9. I can study for a couple hours maybe.

Wednesday- almost similar to Tuesday. I make dinner.

Thursday- pick kids after wrk around 6. Get home 6:30. We get home around 6:30 everyday by the way, I chk kids home wrk. Usually kids are scheduled to go to devotional singing at 7:30. If I don’t take them there is a huge argument. Why I can’t take a break one day n go.

Friday- I telework. Son has gymnastic at 5:30-7:30. So I take him. For two hours I running onto gym to wrk out. Come home shower n be ready to study couple hours.

Saturday I have to help clean house coz if I don’t there is a fight. Make lunch/dinner. If I get to study couple hours day time it will be full of interruptions. Come n chk this, or kids running to me. Out laundry in etc . Sunday I have to take kids to temple at 9:30. If husband takes them I have to have lunch ready as they get back around 1pm.

Some ppl suggested, take vacations with him. We took 2 this year. One in January, one in April. I do dinners, I propose to go to movies. We have dinner together every weekend. Weekdays kids eat together, husband n I eat together for most part. He is always saying yes go study, go study. But nxt minute they want me to do something. He does not understand why I can waste an hour to exercise and not just get home, shower n start studying. I’m a tax auditor. After staring at law n computer all day, I am beat. Now he does help me don’t take me wrong. He does the dishes, help clean.

Now my husband has no college education. I thought maybe if he went to college he wud understand. But I can’t even have him register for classes. CPA is a dream for me. I try to do so much for them. But they always complain that I don’t do enough. They want me to go play with them, go to swim with them, watch tv. How do I keep the balance and achieve my dream. I do not know how to make him understand what kinda devil CPA , what kinda commitment it requires. How much time I need to put it etc. please advice.

[Anonymous]

Can you afford to hire somebody who would drive your kids to their gymnastics etc.?

And who makes dinner every night anymore? I just make two dishes and my husband eats them during the week or he cooks himself. He is also taking care of our son after he comes home from work. And I am not even working. I think you should delegate more, his demands would seem reasonable if we were in 1960s

[stag]

Its tiring me out just to read the things you have to do everyday besides work full time. Maybe try to get a new husband if he's being a douchbag?

FAR - Aug 2013 Passed
REG - DEC 2013 Passed
BEC - FEB 2014 Passed
AUD - MAY 2014 Passed

BSEE = who needs accounting degree to pass CPA exams?

[mla1169]

My husband was willing to help but I am OCD and really didn't WANT his help. Make your life easier-

Make friends with the crockpot. So much easier to toss something in the AM and have dinner waiting for you!

When you do need to prepare a meal-TRIPLE it and freeze the leftovers. After a few weeks, you've got plenty of stuff that just needs to be warmed up.

Paper plates and plastic silverware, this is no time to have to do dishes!

Let hubby run your errands and STUDY during recitals and practices. Every Saturday I was at a pee wee football game with my Wiley books.

Laundry? Get as many laundry baskets as family members. Clean laundry need not be put away for the short term-everyone got baskets of their clean laundry in their rooms.

Get a housekeeper once a week-it's not as expensive as you think-less than a night at the movies and you'll appreciate it more than Planet of the Apes!

Carpool! Find 2-3 families in dance and offer to drive their girls once a week if they'll alternate with yours!

Then, and this is key, make a huge deal out of how much you appreciate hubby's support! Even if you don't feel he's been very supportive, still make out like he gave you a diamond! The 2 minutes I gushed over what a great guy my husband is bought me 90 minutes of quality study time. Even when I wanted to beat him with a rolling pin I showered him with praise and affection. Best investment lol!

And for the record even if you were a stay at home mom with unlimited funds your kids would say you didn't do enough for them. Let go of the mommy guilt. They will sense that their tactics are no longer working and back off.

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[Anonymous]

mla's advice is all very good, but OP's post sounds full of contempt for her husband and that is not a good sign

[Anonymous]

That sounds completely exhausting. My only 2 cents would be to make your study experience as portable as possible since you seem to be all over the place. For example, I sometimes study on my phone while I'm at my local burger joint waiting for my order. In your case, perhaps when you do drop your kids off somewhere… Find a local place in the area where you can study. That way, when they're ready to be picked up, you can pick them up quicker, then go home and pick up your studies where you left off.

I can only imagine how difficult it is for someone like you. I'm about to be 27, with a gf of nearly 2 years. I can't see myself with a family at this point in my life, where my primary focus for the time being is to pass and obtain my CPA license. Best of luck!

[SHIRLY143]

@stag a new husband sounds like a good idea… But then there is no guarantee he won't be just like this one. Lol grass is not always greener on the other side as ppl say. Lol

Thanks to all for advising. And I apologize for such a long post. Now that I read it feels like I was venting. Lol

None the less I just want him to support me towards this goal of mine. I want him to understand why my body needs maybe 30 mins of wrk out session to wake up n feel like I have energy to do anything. I want him to stop asking me to go play volleyball every other day n on weekends till 8:30-9pm. I want him to help prep lunch for kids or know what it takes to prep lunch for kids/make breakfast in the morning.

Making extras does not wrk in my house. These ppl are spoilt n they won't eat it out of the refrigerator. And I can only blame myself for that. I have always prepped fresh food for them. 🙁 if I make extra. It will sit in refrigerator n a week later I will throw it out. How can I make him see the value in CPA. How can I make him understand the time n commitment it requires.

[Anonymous]

SHIRLY143,

Did you consider marriage counseling?

[StephAV]

I can kind of relate… I have 2 kids and my DH works out of town all the time. It is tough and I chose to skip T-ball for my 6 year old this year. I feel mommy guilt big time… Now it is almost soccer season and I didn't sign him up for that either. Ugh!

I think that if this is really that important to you, you will need to give up some of your exercise time or do cardio where you can watch your review course while getting in some exercise. Have you seen Jeff's ELL plan? 1 hour in the morning 1 hour at lunch and 1 hour in the evening. Maybe you could block out some weekend time like half of 1 day over the weekend. Then study after the kids go to bed.

Hire a housekeeper if you can… I'm on the verge. I just am dealing with not the cleanest house for now. Maybe ask your DH for help or advice? Possibly approaching it from that angle might get him more on board. And maybe he'll have a great idea of where you can get some extra time in. Good luck!!

FAR - 7/13 - 72, 11/13- 74, 2/14- 82!!! Best score ever (for me)!!!
BEC - 1/14 - 75!!! Perfect score! First Pass! YAY!!!
AUD - 8/14 - 80!!!
REG - 5/14 - 72, 10/14 - 66, 1/15 - 78 - DONE FOREVER!!!
I did 5 of the UNA and CPAExcel classes to earn units.

[Anonymous]

In my experience guys understand things with a dollar value. Yes, you may want to pass the exam, but it sounds like you guys are doing just fine already. Perhaps if you can explain how much more you can have should you pass the exam and become certified. Perhaps touch on affording college for your two kids, retirement, new car, 100 inch high def. plasma TV, or whatever you think might tickle his fancy.

After all, thats what happiness truly means.

[Skynet]

You could always tell him that you'll cook what he wants in the kitchen and do anyhing he wants in the bedroom for a week but stipulated that he helps you pass the CPA exams.

AUD - 90
BEC - 78
FAR - 84
REG - 87

World Domination Plan

Phase I : Pass CPA Exams - Complete
Phase II : Megan Fox - In Progress
Phase III : Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson Lingerie Pillow Fight
Phase IV : Form the new Charlie's Angels with Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, & Gal Gadot
Phase V : TBD

BEC : 78
REG : 87
FAR : 84
AUD : 90

World Domination Plan

Phase I : Pass CPA Exams - Complete
Phase II : Megan Fox - Initiated
Phase III : Bring back 8-Tracks
Phase IV : Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson Lingerie Pillow Fight
Phase V : TBA

[Guti]

love is like a box of condoms.

you eventually run out.

FAR-84
AUD-
REG-
BEC-

[Skynet]

^ Not if you go to Costco.

AUD - 90
BEC - 78
FAR - 84
REG - 87

World Domination Plan

Phase I : Pass CPA Exams - Complete
Phase II : Megan Fox - In Progress
Phase III : Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson Lingerie Pillow Fight
Phase IV : Form the new Charlie's Angels with Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, & Gal Gadot
Phase V : TBD

BEC : 78
REG : 87
FAR : 84
AUD : 90

World Domination Plan

Phase I : Pass CPA Exams - Complete
Phase II : Megan Fox - Initiated
Phase III : Bring back 8-Tracks
Phase IV : Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson Lingerie Pillow Fight
Phase V : TBA

[Anonymous]

Lol compare comments here and two thread down about the guy breaking up with his gf

here: make a huge deal out of how much you appreciate hubby's support! Even if you don't feel he's been very supportive, still make out like he gave you a diamond! The 2 minutes I gushed over what a great guy my husband is bought me 90 minutes of quality study time. Even when I wanted to beat him with a rolling pin I showered him with praise and affection. Best investment

there: I'd tell her, “I am doing this for my life with my future wife and family … so I can support her and provide her with the best lifestyle I can. I don't want to be living paycheck to paycheck. So if you are that person, you need to realize this. If you aren't, and don't appreciate the hard work I'm doing for ‘us', then don't waste my time anymore.”

At least Gian is consistent 🙂

Just saying

[Anonymous]

I'm not convinced these stories are comparable. There's a huge difference between being married for nearly ten years with two kids to care for… and a two year relationship.

Its on the easier side to break off a relationship for your personal goals and find someone new when your ready to take the time to commit… Can't do that so much in a marriage. =P

[Guti]

SHIRLY143, all kidding aside. If you take the little free time you have to study for the CPA exam, you will eventually pass the exam and be a single mom after you get the 3 letters. If things were great between you and your husband, I wouldn’t say this, but based on what you mentioned, things have not been going that great for a few years now. As you know this exam is a pain in the ass, and the only thing this exam does to relationships that are not solid is to draw them apart. If you could finish the CPA exam is 6 months I don’t think it will be an issue, but you hardly have time to shit. The only way to safe your marriage and study for the CPA exam is to convince him that he needs to go to a community college to study something. If he does that, he will be as busy as you are and neither of you will have time to think about the relationship or someone else.

FAR-84
AUD-
REG-
BEC-

[Author]

Replies