Can exam prep lead to divorce?

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  • #178304
    sonygal57
    Member

    Okay so I don’t think we will get a divorce or anything, but my hubby’s not too happy!

    I did disclose that over the next few months I would be married to test prep instead of him but this disclosure was lost on him.

    My early bird hubby was happy when I started getting up early, but very disappointed when I hit the books instead of drinking coffee with him. When he gets home from work and I am engrossed with working out an MCQ, he visibly becomes disgusted. He has taken on all the laundry, cooking, and cleaning, which I thought was the deal during exam prep (because I work too)…However he is becomming resentful. When I do get breaks I want to be brain dead. He is a mechanic and feels it is his duty to discuss how relays/transmissions/pistons work….and then quiz me…ugh!

    Love the man to death but I don’t know how to balance!

    Good old Gandalf, "All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is give to us."
    "Not all those who wander are lost."

    FAR: I slayed the Dragon!
    BEC: I defeated the Siren!
    AUD: I eliminated Medusa!
    REG: ?????

Viewing 15 replies - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)
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  • #423477
    holbythebear
    Member

    My wife and I had troubles when I first started studying. It got really ugly. We've talked through everything, and now she is on board with me passing. What I learned: You have to come to an agreement about this whole process.

    Studying is probably seen by your husband as a selfish pursuit and nothing will kill a relationship quicker than selfishness IMO.

    You have to get him on board so that this is a “we” decision rather than an “I” decision.

    AUD - 5/13 85
    REG - 7/13 73, 2/14 84
    FAR - 8/13 82
    BEC - 12/13 80

    #423478
    peetree
    Member

    Yep, it caused grief between me and my girlfriend when i first started studying. I had to make sure she understood that I was doing this for my/our future and that it was important for me.

    We're good now and she is all about me passing but it wasn't always like this.

    FAR 02/21/13 - 95
    REG 07/02/13 - 87
    AUD 08/02/13 - 94
    BEC 08/30/13 - 85
    Ethics Exam - 90

    Illinois candidate awaiting his license

    Used Becker Self Study | Ninja Audio | Becker Flash Cards | Ninja Notes | Wiley Test Bank

    #423479
    Zaq
    Participant

    It don't always be like it is, but it do.

    Try to explain to him the severity of this exam, the sacrifice that's needed to conquer it, the time it takes to absorb it, and the rewards for passing it. Unfortunately, he will never know just how difficult this exam process can be, but that doesn't matter. Right now you need his support despite his understanding of the exam.

    This is your goal. And in relationships such as this, I feel that it is important that each person 100% push for their spouse to attain them. He needs to know that this is really important to you and that you really want it, and thus, he should want it for you just as well.

    FAR: 50, 76!
    REG: 74... (ouch baby, very ouch), 76!
    AUD: 65, 91!?
    BEC: 80! Aaaand doneskies!

    May 2012 to August 2013. Can't believe it's over.

    #423480
    jeff
    Keymaster

    Yes it can – and it has (I've had to put my marriage counseling hat on a few times).

    Passing the CPA Exam will mean nothing if it costs you your marriage and you come home to an empty house.

    You have to find some balance…I wouldn't outsource all of the housework to him either.

    Make sure one night a week is off-limits for studying and take 15 minutes each day and listen to his mechanic stories.

    Just some unsolicited advice after 11 years of marriage and seeing a lot of divorce among friends and family.

    AUD - 79
    BEC - 80
    FAR - 76
    REG - 92
    Jeff Elliott, CPA (KS)
    NINJA CPA | NINJA CMA | NINJA CPE | Another71
    #423481
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    When he gets home, you should start talking about different accounting topics covered on the exam. He will either fall asleep or run away really fast. Problem solved!

    Or if all else fails take Peter Olinto's advice: “If they're no on board, let them go because once you pass the exam, chances are you would have upgraded anyway.”

    #423482
    MCLKT
    Participant

    My situation is completely different but I agree with holbythebear on the selfish part.

    And Jeff makes a great point, CPA means nothing without being able to share it with the ones you are doing it for.

    I'm not married, but I've been on both sides.

    When my daughter's dad was in medical school and I did everything by myself I began to get resentful and talked to him about it. He was the one that was being selfish and studying all of the time without any responsibilities regarding helping at the house or our daughter.

    The thing that resolved my bitterness was his CONSTANT acknowledgement of my part in his success and the only reason he wants do this is for our daughter. He wouldn't be able to do it without me. This went on for 4 years. When he became a surgeon he reminded me it never would have happened without me, and that was so important to hear.

    Now I'm the one studying all of the time. And I remind everyone that is sitting on the sidelines how important their support is to my success. And I am doing it for them too.

    And I take a break when they NEED me to. Because people>license.

    A:[73]97 F:[74]85 R:86 B:[74]82
    *NINJA 10 Pt. COMBO & Yaeger*

    #423483
    Ntw6817
    Participant

    I've known of an engagement that was broken up due to exam prep. I would agree with Jeff. Just take one night out of the week to spend with your husband. A CPA is pretty valuable but it's not more valuable than your marriage.

    #423484
    Jennifer241
    Member

    2 nights a month my hubby and I go on “date night”. It isn't anything special, he always plans it or we go to dinner and a movie. I actually found that I look forward to it. Try to be all caught up on your study plans or even ahead, that way you can focus on your date night instead of your CPA exam material all night.

    Everyone is right here, family comes first!

    AUD - Jan 9,13 Pass
    REG - Aug 30,13 Pass
    BEC - Oct 26,13 Pass
    FAR - Dec 4,13 Pass

    Licensed CPA in the state of Oregon

    #423485
    jnnthom
    Member

    I think relationship problems needs to be an added chapter in the exam study guides. My husband dropped out of high school, eventually got his GED and has managed to become a successful business owner. Although he agrees I can make more money with a CPA, he doesn't believe it should require this much study time. His view is that “It can't be that hard, otherwise there wouldn't be so many CPAs.” Now I'm motivated to pass and get this stupid thing over with. An exam shouldn't bring this much strife to one's life.

    #423486
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My husband is so supportive of my pursuit to pass the test. He even prohibits me from doing any chores. I resist it because I feel a regular break helps my review more productive.

    That's how I appreciate owning a Ninja audio for a month!

    I do the laundry, I sweep, I vaccum, I dust off the house and still manage to review while my audio is playing.

    Just an hour-break a day!

    #423487
    ruggercpa2b
    Participant

    My boyfriend and I got a little rocky when I started studying last year. I let the exam consume me and yet no passing score and he started to get weary. Now I set aside Friday nights and they are date nights. I have started staying at work till 8 during the week and when I get home he has my undivided attention for 2 hours before going to bed. He is a lot more supportive now than he was a year ago because I am setting aside time for him.

    AUD - NINJA in Training
    BEC - NINJA in Training
    FAR - NINJA in Training
    REG - NINJA in Training
    AUD - 1/6/18
    FAR - TBD
    REG - TBD
    BEC - TBD

    AUD - 73, 72 retake 7/2/2016
    BEC - 8/20/2016
    REG - TBD
    FAR - TBD

    I am so ready for this nightmare to be over. Been at this way too long.

    #423488
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Homicide maybe, but not divorce. God knows I love him and I wouldn't trade him for anything, but believe me there were days when I could have just shot him! Luckily, the exam doesn't last a lifetime, which is what the state would have given me, life, so I'm glad I didn't pull the trigger. LOL!!! 😉

    #423489

    This is a great thread. I am learning from everyone. I have nothing to compare to the marrieds… but as for the people dating, I have a unique circumstance. My boyfriend and I are both studying for the exam and we do not live together. We have to make time to see eachother and talk. Plus he travels a lot because he is an auditor. We both have one exam left. I think NOT living with him is for the best, for us. When we are together we are only spending time together and not doing household things. I just pray we are done this month. We have been studying since before we started dating, kind of why we got more serious about the exam. I felt like “oops I've been wasting my single years, now I have a great guy I need to get this crap done!”.

    To all you married folk, with kids too, I admire you. You are the most motivated determined people I have ever “met” 🙂

    CA CPA - All because of the journey listed below
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    FAR - 53('10), 8/25/12 79 PASSED!
    REG - 66('11), 69('12), 12/06/12 77 PASSED!!
    BEC - 58('10), 74('12), 01/05/13 77 PASSED!!!
    AUD - 43('11), 66('12), 69('13), 74('13) 7/29/13 85 PASSED!!!!!

    (Combinations of Roger, Yaeger, Wiley Book, Wiley TB, & NINJA Notes)

    Ethics 90%

    #423490
    Gerg, CPA
    Participant

    be open & honest and study your ass off so this crap is worth it! it can get a little rocky, but if you really want to you can make it work

    FAR - 1/26/2012 - PASSED (78, but Lost credit), re-do 11/27/2013 - PASSED (87)!
    AUD - EPIC FAIL, 71, 69; 68; 5/25/2013 - PASSED (85)!
    REG - 10/1/2012 - 72; 7/1/2013 - 73 UGH, 10/1/2013 - PASSED (85)!
    BEC - 2/28/2013 - PASSED (82)!
    Licensed CPA!

    Used Becker self-study materials (just this for FAR original & REG #1), WileyTestBank, NINJA notes/audio, and Roger cram course for AUD #5, REG #3 & FAR reboot. CPA!

    #423491
    neika822
    Participant

    My live-in boyfriend has been great while I've been studying. Occasionally he'll make a comment that he wishes I'd clean more or cook more (not that I did much of that when I wasn't studying…), but then he smartens up and tells me not to worry. He's even surprised me with a slice of cheesecake a few times when I've been super stressed.

    I think taking a small chunk of time each day to do just a quick clean up around the house, or make a good dinner once or twice a week will show them that you haven't forgotten. Also just telling them you appreciate their support during this time is probably music to their ears.

    Good luck everyone!

    R - *77*(02/'13)-Becker & NINJA
    A - 71('11); *87*(04/'13)-Becker & NINJA
    F - *76*(08/'13)-Becker & NINJA - "server upgrade" survivor
    B - 60('11); *82*(10/'13) -Becker & NINA

    DONE, DONE, AND DONE.

    CPA in Massachusetts; issued 01/24/14

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