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I decided to start my CPA journey while home on maternity leave. I am the type of person that needs a mental challenge, and while having a newborn is definitely challenging, it wasn’t that mental challenge I needed, apparently. I received my study material and felt excited about the journey to come and the knowledge that I would gain from it.
It would be another four months before I started to really buckle down and study. My first exam was REG and I failed with a 69. My first thought was “well, at least I got my fear of failing out of the way”. I followed up the failed REG with a 68 on BEC two months later. In that moment, I got angry. I was taking time away from my husband and son to study, and if I wasn’t going to pass, then what the heck was I doing? I crammed for two weeks and passed REG with a 78. There. Got one.
I tried to keep that momentum for AUD 8 weeks later…but yep…a 62. With that, I took a break. I had tax season coming, then I started to enjoy my time with my one-year old and husband. Six months later I realized I gotta get this done. Took AUD 8 months after my first attempt and got a 72. With this came that “why am I even bothering? If I can’t even pass these exams, how can I work as a CPA? I’m taking so much time away from my family for what!?”
Now you must understand, I don’t give up. Once I start something, I finish it. But this was the first time that I felt like I really couldn’t. My husband was as supportive and helpful as he could possibly be. Without him taking my son for outings so that I could study, I don’t think I could’ve continued to force myself to do it. I missed them. Every. Moment. I cried thinking about the time I was spending away from the both of them. I was miserable.
With this I confided in my co-worker, who had passed her fourth exam shortly after I started working for our firm. All she really had to say was “I know how you feel. Don’t give up.” Sure. Everyone would say that. I knew she knew how I felt, and I knew I couldn’t give up, but my heart was telling me differently. I missed my family too much. But as it was, I kept on.
It took me awhile to figure out the best way to study. Just because the review package told me to study one way, didn’t mean it was the best way for me. I also figured out a new schedule. I got up an hour before my husband and son every day before work so I could study for that hour. Then I wouldn’t have to feel as guilty spending an hour with my son after dinner. On the weekends, my husband continued to take our son out and about so I could sit and study. Every time I wanted to open up “Candy Crush” I reminded myself that if I just put in the time now, I can be with my family again.
That became my motto “just do it now so you don’t have to do it later”. With that, I retook BEC 6 weeks after failing AUD for the second time. Passed with a 78. 2 weeks later, nailed AUD with an 84. That’s it. Now I’ve got it. I just went from wanting to give up with only one exam passed, to being 3 quarters of the way there. More good news came; my husband and I found out I was pregnant with our second child. I had to be a little wiser with my study time, as I knew I had to take care of myself. Down side was not having caffeine!
I continued on studying for FAR, which was the only exam I had yet to take. I knew having confidence was helpful with studying, but all I could think was “well, I’ve yet to pass an exam on the first attempt, why will this be any different?” People tell you that you’ve got to have confidence. Heck, you can tell yourself that. But if you don’t feel it, it doesn’t do any good to tell yourself you’ve got it.
I studied for FAR for just about two months when another blow came. I was three weeks out from sitting for FAR when we found out our baby #2 had stopped growing four weeks earlier. With that the studying was put aside. For a week, my husband and I went through what we had to go through, mourning the loss of our second child, and squeezing our two-year old son that much tighter. But after that week I told myself this wasn’t going to be for nothing. With my work picking up as tax season approached, and my family healing our wounds, I picked up studying once again, determined to not lose momentum.
I rescheduled my exam for 3 weeks after I originally planned to take it. The pressure was on. If I didn’t pass the first time, which I had convinced myself I wouldn’t, then I had one more shot at it before I lost REG. And all this while tax season was in full swing, and we were mourning the loss of a child. Sure. No problem.
I walked out of FAR and got into the car where my husband sat waiting for me. I looked at him and just shook my head. Failure. How can you walk out of an exam having no idea how you did? Well, the CPA exams were perfect for that. So for anyone who has yet to try it, you’ll know how I feel after you take one or two. The car drive home, which was a good two hours, I talked and talked, trying to convince myself I did better than I did. But I had to keep reminding myself not to get my hopes up. What was the point?
Three weeks later I was at work, in the peak of tax season, and I start hitting that “score” button on the NASBA website and checking another71 forum constantly. Knowing that my score might not show up for days (this was a Friday and NASBA release date was Monday). After lunch, and probably for the 100th time in the past two hours, I hit that score button once again, still expecting to see that “score not yet available” or whatever it says exactly. 77. There is was. A 77. Really!? No. That can’t be right. I failed. I know I did. Right? I hit that button over and over thinking “please don’t change”.
I ran out of my office and told my co-workers. I cried. I laughed. I called my husband, wishing he could be there in that moment to share with me. He deserved the celebration almost as much as I did. I didn’t know if I was more shocked that I passed it the first time, or that this stinkin’ journey was finally over.
Over the course of the next few weeks, I would still cry at the joy I felt in that moment that I found out my exam was over. But more so, I cried in the evenings when I was sitting at home, playing with my son after dinner. For the first time in my two-year old’s life, Mama could sit and play with him. She doesn’t have to go study. She doesn’t have to do one darn thing except spend time with her son. Finally. (We’ll leave out that I still was working weekends because it was tax season.)
But it’s over. And here I sit. Tax season over. Studying over. And I am spending time with my family and writing this to remind you that you can do it. There will inevitably be moments of weakness. You’ll want to give up, you’ll want to cry, but don’t give up. Push through it. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.
BEC: 69, 78 (10/03/2013)
AUD: 62, 71, 84 (11/13/2013)
REG: 68, 78 (11/14/2012)
FAR: 77 (02/20/2014)
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