[Judy]

Hi guys,

So my boyfriend has taken 3 exams so far and has failed each one. I feel so bad for him and I am not sure how to support him, uplift him, or keep him going at this point.

Do you have any suggestions?

[alloverit]

Hi,

I'd be curious to know if he has taken the same section or 3 DIFFERENT sections.

Clearly, motivation is tricky. CPA candidates can be very dismissive of opinions coming from those who never have, and never will, take the test.

Also, clearly, he needs some help. The first thing you might encourage him to do is study for the hardest section first. For most people, that means either FAR or REG. The reason is you want don't want the 18 month window to close and lose any passed sections. So, if he's taking different sections just trying to pass one, encourage him to focus on only one test and stay with it until he passes (most likely, FAR). If you have to, tell him you heard that from others who have passed the exam so it has some value. It will also show him you care (though he likely knows that already).

And truthfully, he needs to understand that his life is going to SUCK for awhile. If it takes him an average of 5 months study time per test (to actually pass) then so be it, but studying is EVERYDAY! If he has to cut-off outside distractions for 16, 18 or 20 months of his life…so be it.

That last point may affect you too. He absolutely cannot live the same life as he did pre-CPA. That's not to say that he can't watch a movie or go out from time-to-time, but his primary life focus should be the test.

Some people may disagree with that last point. But they don't matter. In fact, my opinion doesn't matter! He obviously needs a new direction and perhaps a new perspective on these exams. I wish you both nothing but the best.

FAR 81

AUD 83

BEC 93

REG 84

Ross

[Anonymous]

get a new boyfriend 🙂

but like the person above me said, he has to change a lot of things and make cpa studying his priority

[Judy]

Not looking for an out on the relationship – just looking for ways to support him and make his life a little bit less of living hell!

[Missy]

Really the only thing a significant other can do is contribute to uninterrupted study time. If you share a home that means you taking on more than your typical share of household duties so he has more time to study. If he feels distracted while studying ask if he'd like to study elsewhere or would like you to be in another room, etc. Get him noise cancelling headphones if noise is a distraction.

Old timer,  A71'er since 2010.

Finance manager/HR manager

 

 

Licensed Massachusetts Non Reporting CPA since 2012
Finance/Admin/HR Manager

[alloverit]

One other thing,

Even if you ever personally get frustrated with him, never tell him to “just quit”…even if you hate him in that moment. He may secretly be hoping for that.

You should also bring up other things that he does very well that most others cannot. Bring them up with or without reference to the exam. The key is to build him up honestly.

I swear, I actually got tired of people telling me “you got this” and the like. It just rang hollow. And as I mentioned before, CPA candidates (myself included) are convinced that this is the hardest test in the world! So tread lightly with what may come across as generic (“I believe in you”, “you can do it”).

Rather, the type of encouragement he needs should be tailored to your situation…to show him you've put thought into it.

FAR 81

AUD 83

BEC 93

REG 84

Ross

[krstnam]

I agree with Missy – picking up household duties helps.

Maybe ask him too? Say something like “I know I can't fully understand how difficult the process is, but if there's anything I can do to help, or make things easier on you, let me know”

I seem to focus a little better if I'm studying and my husband is reading or doing something not related to video games or tv watching. Everybody is different though.

I'm going to be the person who says "I finished even though..." not the person who says "I didn't finish because..."

B - 77, 76

A - 57, 64, 72, 76!

R - 78, 72, 78!!! DONE

F - 54, 73, 71, 64, 69, 76!

[Katie]

I agree with @missy as well. I personally get so tired of hearing “I know you'll pass” and “You'll do just fine” because I know those people probably don't really understand what exactly I'm going through. I would say the most important thing is to listen and not get tired of listening. Just being able to complain freely does my mind a world of good.

AUD - 91

BEC - 4/21/18

FAR - 90

REG - 80

[tygolfer]

I agree with most of the people above, all have very good input.

I think for me, my wife knew that stuff like rock climbing and going to the gym were things that helped me decompress, so she was willing to spend a little less quality time with me for a year to help get it done. I HIGHLY recommend people to still stick with at least one of their hobby's during the process. You can't study every hour of free time that you have, it's just not beneficial.

Just try and be supportive, I agree that generic “you can do it” and “oh, you will be fine, you are smart” are annoying things to hear from people not involved in the process. My wife did a good job of saying stuff like “I know this sucks” and honestly that made me feel better than the “you can do it”.

AUD - 92
BEC - 84
FAR - 77
REG - 89

MDS CPA Review and Ninja MCQ for final review 2 weeks prior to each exam

 

[ixlr82day]

The thing that helped me the most in passing was being left alone. I had dinner with her three times a week and that was it. We lived together and my routine was waking up at 5 AM to hit the gym…then work from 8-5…and then studying at work till 10 pm. Monday – Thursday. Dinner with her on Friday. Saturday I was in the office from 8-7 pm studying, then another dinner. Sunday I would study somewhere else for a few hours like Starbucks…and then back to work to study till dinner. We ate out on all of the dinners that we had together to make it a little easier since she was carrying all of the weight of the household chores but luckily we have no kids/pets so it made it a little simpler.

I can't say all of that time I was out of the house was studying but it made it easier. The lack of drama and focusing on just the exam made life a lot simpler.

AUD - 76
BEC - 75
FAR - 79
REG - 84

 

 

[rell8tt]

as someone that took a total of 12 tests before passing I can empathize with your boyfriend. But looking back at the failed attempts and “studying” for those there was 1 common difference between the passing and failing attempts….I wasn't really committed to studying. I wanted to pass the exam but I didn't put in enough work. Also I focused on studying just enough to pass the failed attempts instead of studying to try and make a 90. so to answer your question, help him come up with a study plan and help him stick to it. And helping him by either not coming over to his place or sending him to study at the library or folding his laundry because its one less thing he has to worry about doing outside of studying. Also he needs some confidence that he will pass as long as he puts in the energy and effort of studying.

AUD - 78
BEC - 76
FAR - 75
REG - 80

Well I Got That Going For Me

[Tim]

He needs to be committed and put in 100+ hours of study time on each section before taking the exam. If he doesn't have that kind of commitment then it won't work out. Make sure he has a study schedule to follow to keep on track. Once that commitment is there the best you can do is try to take pressure off of him. Help him stick to his study schedule by doing things for him and keeping friends/family at bay. If he's studying at home then minimize distractions when he's studying.

edit: @rell8tt beat me to it..and, yes, good point about studying for a 90 instead of trying to study just enough to pass.

edit2: Also, have him come to this forum. We could help him a lot more if he told us how he was studying. I know some people hate to ask for help but this forum is a great support system.

FAR - 97 (10/12/17)
BEC - 95 (01/15/18)
AUD - 88 (04/06/18)
REG - 89 (11/16/18)

[Anonymous]

Yup, just letting him study and encouraging him is all you can do. I about lost it with my family this weekend, cause they couldn't stay out of my way-I feel terrible, because my kids must feel neglected, but I just said-if you can't let me study, I will taking this damn test till the end of time!

[aaronmo]

I agree with Katie and Missy…

The assumptions that I'd pass made it even worse. I know my partner meant to be encouraging, but it felt like she just didn't understand the level of difficulty and commitment involved. Especially after I got an 89 on FAR, my first exam, after being pretty sure I failed, it just felt like she thought it was no big deal and I was being dramatic. I know it's not what was meant, but it was frustrating. Truthfully, I was just generally irritable and anything she said would probably have been wrong.

She also thought I was over studying, especially earlier on during FAR. She didn't understand how far behind I felt. Or that I tend to be a bit bi-polar on this sort of thing…I either over study and over commit or I do NOTHING. BEC was the first time in my life I was ever able to sort of half ass something successfully. I half assed BEC and got through.

Mostly what I needed/wanted was time to myself. Don't invite me to anything, it just felt like added grief. Give me time alone…uninterrupted. Don't ask if I'm OK. Just let me over study.

AUD - 96
BEC - 84
FAR - 89
REG - 86

Aaron and always remember, YMMV

I profit from your CPE frustration. You're welcome.

[ultrarunner]

Judy, I don't know what you do for a living, but it may be good if you could join him and study with him. When I did my exams, I usually went to the coffee house to study on weekend. My spouse went with me and did his own stuff (mostly working). I am in a graduate program now, and we still go to the coffee house together to study or work. It is really a bonding experience and will help your relationship with your boyfriend. All the best to you and your boyfriend.

CPA/ MST/ Roger CPA Review

FAR 72,67,79 (Roger+Wiley test bank)11/15
AUD 80 (Roger)10/15
BEC 80 (Roger)4/16
REG 63,78 (Roger+Ninja MCQs)5/16

[aaronmo]

I HATED when my wife tried to be around me while studying. When I'm studying I want FOCUS.

I've got something you can help with…ask if he'd like help with flash cards. I tried getting my wife to help with that and she always whined about it, or asked questions about the cards.

AUD - 96
BEC - 84
FAR - 89
REG - 86

Aaron and always remember, YMMV

I profit from your CPE frustration. You're welcome.

[Author]

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