As Im writing this, its Thursday night, the night before potential score release. For the first time in years, Im not stressing about my score.
I have no intention of stalking NASBAs website. Sandra, an Another71 alumnus, is going to handle the stalking for me this round. It feels good to not worry about score release for a change.
Ive always been honest and up front about the challenges Ive faced throughout my time as a CPA candidate. For me, the most important thing about those three letters isnt the money or job offers that they bring, its the fact that people know they can trust you.
In order to be fully trusted, I feel like I need to be completely honest about everything. So Ive never lied about a failing score or tried to blame my failures on anyone other than myself.
Ill admit this exam has taken me to a very dark, angry place. I really dont like that place. The years of testing have taken a toll on my health and have changed me in ways I never dreamed possible. Ive always been a positive person, seeing the glass half full, but getting hit by the #73 train twice felt like my heart got ripped out.
I became angry, bitter and mean. I dont like that version of me. So I disappeared for a while. Little did I know that the exam wasnt the only reason I didnt feel or act like me.
Last October, the doctor discovered what she called a mass in my thyroid. I call it a thing. Now, having a nodule or cyst in your thyroid is very common and medication shrinks them. Usually, they arent anything to worry about.
I found out the day before I took FAR in February that the medication hasnt shrunk the thing. In fact, it has grown and now it has some friends. The ultrasound indicated potential thyroid cancer cells. She also did some blood work to test for a certain genetic marker that is an indication of a certain type of thyroid cancer.
Of course, she found that I have this genetic marker. So Tuesday, Im taking a different kind of test. Tuesday is the day they biopsy the thing and I find out what kind of thyroid cancer I have.
The best-case scenario is that it is the genetic form because it is the easiest to cure. This is the only test Im really worried about passing right now. FAR seems a million miles away right now. The thought of someone sticking a needle in my throat is a lot scarier than REG and BEC combined.
All of this has helped me put the CPA exam in perspective. Ive been killing myself to pass a test and Ive let life pass me by.
Ive stressed myself out to the point of having to run out of the testing room during a REG exam to throw up, driven my blood pressure up to stroke levels, and given myself ulcers that have caused permanent damage to my esophagus. Ill never be able to eat like a normal person again.
Has it been worth it? I cant answer that question because my crystal ball is broken. At this time, I dont know if Im finished with this fight and I dont know if I am facing, not the fight of my life, but the fight for my life. But I intend to fight like hell, no matter what Im fighting!
I came into this world 2 ½ months early and had to fight to survive. I was born allergic to milk, so I had to fight just to eat. But I survived that and Ill survive this exam and Ill survive whatever the doctors tell me Tuesday.
I can say that not stressing about score release, having friends who are willing to check my score for me, and knowing that people are rooting for me, have helped to bring me out of that dark place. My sarcastic, sense of humor is back and Im slowly becoming me again, and I like that.
I know that its because of the friends Ive made on this website that Im coming back into the light. Thank you all for helping me to be me again.
For everyone that passed this round, congratulations! For those who didnt, then listen to me very carefully. We can do this. This is just another fight in a series of battles to become who we want to be.
Ive said before that I just wanted my life back. I want to change that statement. I dont want my life back. I want the life Ive worked for, sacrificed for, and earned. That life is a better life and Im going to have it. I want us all to have it!